It's my Party...

And no, I'm not going to cry and I don't even want to. So I'm another year older. I can still find joy in that. And I can certainly find the joy in still getting carded when I order a drink. OH, YES I CAN! Is that vanity? Maybe so. I don't care. I fucking love it. It makes getting older that much easier. ;)

Thanks to all of you for your birthdays wishes. All and all it was a pretty good day. I thought I'd post some pictures of my loot, which I basically purchased for myself.

My new photo-editing software. My first choice was Adobe Photoshop CS2, but seeing how you all didn't send enough cash for me to afford the $649, I settled for Adobe Photoshop Elements 4.0. Now I am just hoping and praying it does what I want it to do. Hopefully I can get it installed sometime before 2007.


Next is a brand-spanking new canvas for my new painting I will be starting. If your good I may even show it to you once it's finished.



A family member sent these. They are in, what appears to be some kind of Mickey Mouse cookie jar?? I'm not sure this is what she meant to send. I am sure it was last minute and it was a lovely thought. Don't you think? ;)



This here, is my kick-ass 6" Chocolate Mousse Torte, courtesy of Jack's Daddy. Can you say yum? And honestly girls, who needs any more than 6 inches?



Last but not least, my perfect ending to a pretty perfect day. Bud Light. Not Corona. Not Samuel Adams. BUD LIGHT. It goes very well with my cut-offs and bare feet.

Just send cash

Just wanted to let you all know my Birthday is coming up. Yup. January 30th. Uh-huh. Really, there is no need for anyone to send me presents. Don't go worrying yourself over what to get me or what size I am (cuz I won't tell you), or whether I like gold or platinum (platinum).

Cash is perfectly acceptable and the shipping is much cheaper. You can never go wrong with sending cash. Or cake! I LOVE cake. It's a little messy to ship, yes, but I am not above licking the frosting off the inside of the box. (Would this be considered soliciting?)

Anyway, on a more serious note, I will be the big 34 this year. And you all know what that means don't you??

Abso-fuckin'-lutely Nothin'

Happy Birthday to me.
Happy Birthday to me.
At.least.I'm.not.forty.
Happy Birthday to me.

He Speaks (his first full sentence!)

Well after waiting for what seemed like forever we are finally venturing into the land of verbal communication. For months all Jack said was mommy, daddy, and doggy. At his 18 month check up his Dr. gave me a referral for a speech therapist, just in case. Of course I never called. I just honestly didn't think it was necessary and strongly disagree with this current time-table that our babies and toddlers seems to be measured against in today's society. What happened to, all children develop in their own way, in their own time? Seriously, at every doctors visit I have felt this enormous pressure to move him along to the next step, which in reality meant forcing him on to the next step, because he simply was NOT ready. In the end, mommy knows best, or at least in this instance. At 19 1/2 months he is now coming out with a new word daily, as if he's known them all along but has now just decided to start saying them. That's my boy!

Some of my personal favorites of our new baby words:

Monkey- Nonkey
Banana- Nana
Barney- Narney
(no, not everything starts with an N)
Juice- Jute
Milk- Moke
Hi- Hi (that's easy)
Hello- Hewoe
Look- uke
Oobi- Boobi (cute, huh? And if you watch Noggin then you know Oobi is a word!)

Is that adorable or what?? Adorable. I thought so.

So up until a few days ago it's mostly been just one word. No sentences except to put Hi in front of something like...hi mommy, hi daddy, hi nana, hi jute
and so on.

Until...I go in to get him after his nap.

Mommy-"Hi Jack"
Jack-"Hi Mama"
(pick him up to and take him over to change him)
Mommy-"Did you have a good nap chicken-monkey?"
Jack-"Gaw ca-ca"
Mommy-"What?"
Jack-"Gaw ca-ca" (big smile)

(open the diaper and voila! We've...GOT CA-CA!) Yipee! P-you But still...YIPEE!

And no, I will not concede to the fact that this could very well be a freak use of sounds on his part. I'm am the mommy. And mommy knows best.

Half Nekkid Thursday

Well it's Thursday, so you know what that means. If you don't then click the link above and visit Osbasso to find out why everyone is gettin' nekkid.

Photo #5-Lips

Sorry. Not the kind you were looking for. ;)

Way Back Wednesday-sick, sickies, sickoes

(First off...Blogger is sucking ass today. I had to jump through virtual hoops to post these damn pictures!!)



It's Wednesday again. That means it's time for Way Back Wednesday hosted by Mamaduck at The Kept Woman. This weeks theme is :"I'b sick"...in honor of my germ-laiden kids, let's do a sicknesses and injuries of the past theme!

Yesterday, Mamaduck also gave us an alternate theme and said, "If your mommy didn't take pictures of you all laid up with your chicken noodle soup your alternate assignment is to take a picture of your kitchen."

Okay. So at first I didn't think I could do the sick pic, because after searching high and low I couldn't find one sick picture of myself. Well, that's not entirely true, but not the kind of sick she was looking for. ;) BUT...lucky for me...I am sick today. How perfect, don't you think? Just in time. So this beauty goes all the way back to about 4 hours ago.



Me in all my glory... no make-up, snotty nosed, stuffy head, coughing, sore throat, can somebody kill me glory. Okay, so it's just a little cold and I'm being a big baby. It's just that this is the third one since we've been on the toddler social circuit. I very rarely got colds before and I have to tell you, I'm not liking it. Okay, I am done bitching.

And because I already have the pictures of my kitchen, and it's nap time, and I have nothing else to do...I'm doing the alternate assignement for extra credit, which, as mamaduck, has already stated amounts to uhh...nothing.



Now keep in mind there is nothing in my kitchen that anyone would want to use when building a brand new home. The cabinets are the cheapest Merillat cabinets available in a honey oak. They do the job, don't get me wrong, but they would not be my first, second, or third choice. The counter is a very cheap laminate. Dog granite, I call it. I think the actual name was labrador granite. We actually did these ourselves to replace the cream colored slab that was there when we bought the house. Jack's daddy wanted granite, but I couldn't see putting a granite counter with crappy cabinets. I wanted it look decent for now and then when we can afford a complete remodel (maybe in 2026?) we can do it all.



Am I practicle or what? I'm certain there are many men out there that would really appreciate it that in a woman. Just not sure that mine does. C'est la vie.

Moving on. The butcher block, I LOVE. Although I do not cut directly on it, because I just don't wanna mess it up! And the floors, just ignore them and picture hardwood in their place. And that is my kitchen. All in all I do actually like it, crappy materials aside, and can live with it for quite a while I'm sure. And the red...that was all me baby!

Now, on a supernatural note. What the hell it that round thing in front of my sink in this next picture? And why was it not in any of the others? And why do have so much shit on the side of my fridge??

Bush Bashing

I'm in the mood. What can I say. I thought this was humorous in it's own way. Sad and mostly likely true, but still...



George Bush meets with the Queen of England.

He asks her, "Your Majesty, how do you run such an
efficient government? Are there any tips you can give
to me?"

"Well," says the Queen, "the most important thing is
to surround yourself with intelligent people."

Bush frowns. "But how do I know the people around me
are really intelligent?"

The Queen takes a sip of tea. "Oh, that's easy. You
just ask them to answer an intelligent riddle." The
Queen pushes a button on her intercom. "Please send
Tony Blair in here, would you?"

Tony Blair walks into the room. "Yes, my Queen?"

The Queen smiles "Answer me this, please, Tony. Your
mother and father have a child. It is not your brother
and it is not your sister. Who is it?"

Without pausing for a moment, Tony Blair answers,
"Well, your Majesty, that would be me."

"Yes, Very good," says the Queen.

Bush goes back home to ask Dick Cheney, his Vice
President, the same question. "Dick, answer this for
me. Your mother and your father have a child. It's not
your brother and it's not your sister. Who is it?"

"I'm not sure," says Cheney, "let me get back to you
on that one."

Cheney goes to his Advisors and asks every one, but
no! ne can g ive him an answer. Finally, he ends up in
the men's room and recognizes Colin Powell's shoes in
the next stall. Cheney shouts, "Colin! Can you answer
this for me?

Your mother and father have a child and it's not your
brother or your sister. Who is it?"

Colin Powell yells back, "That's easy. It's me!"

Cheney smiles, and says, "Thanks!"

Then, Cheney goes back to speak with Bush. "Say, I did
some research and I have the answer to that riddle.
It's Colin Powell."

Bush gets up, stomps over to Cheney and angrily yells
into his face,
"No, you idiot! It's Tony Blair!"
-------------------------------------
MAY GOD BE WITH US THESE NEXT THREE YEARS

What?

This is a Filenes flyer that came in my paper the other day. Can you see anything wrong with this picture?



Maybe if I narrow it down for you...



I'm so confused.

Of the subject-I have more babies available so check out my For Sale items over on your right! (Under Places to Visit)

See what I mean?

I just got this in an email. Again. Many of you probably have at some point or another also. I thought it was fitting to post it here because it pretty much proves the point I was trying to make in my last post. And well, I really love to prove a point.

The mind is a terrible thing to waste, I was able to read
all.

f you can read this, you have a strange mind too
Can you raed tihs? So far 57 plepoe can.

i cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I

was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid,
aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it
dseno't mtaetr in waht oerdr the ltteres in a wrod are,

the olny iproamtnt tihng is taht the frsit and lsat
ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl
mses and you can sitll raed it whotuit a pboerlm. Tihs is
bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by
itstlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Azanmig huh? yaeh and I
awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt! if you can raed
tihs forwrad it.

Spell it like it sounds

The English language according to Hope.

I am the worlds worst speller. I love to write, but I can't spell. Simple as that. Spell check is my best friend, though I may often forget to use it. Looking up a word just takes too much damn time out of my day and in the grand scheme of things is it really that important if I spell things correctly? Is it? I'm asking you. I'm pretty sure that I would still be able to get my point across. For example, if I say to you, my nose is runnin so I haf to go get a tishew. You get what I'm saying, right? Or if I say, I'm so dam tirerd today and I just wish sumwon wood cum wach my kid so I can take a brake. Or how about, wut the fuk is up with this shity ass wether? You would realize I'm commenting about the shitty ass weather, am I correct? So, then, why? Is it because it makes me sound all ghetto and shit? (any time I say all ghetto...and shit...must follow it. I'm not sure why.)

Here's just few words that really should just be spelled the way they fucking sound:

tissue - tishew, as I said
wednesday - wensday
february - febuary
salmon - samon
phsyco - syko or syco if you prefer
toilet - toylit
brother - bruther or brutha if you're from anywhere near Boston (same for sista, mutha, and fatha)
ovary - ovury (uterus is pretty much fine the way it is. Same for penis and vagina)
bitch - bich (again, anything ending in tch should just drop the damn "t". Do we pronounce it? No. Do we need it. NO.

Like I said, just a few. I could think of more but I'm sure there are more important things I should be doing right now.

I've heard it said that the English language is one of the most difficult to learn. No fucking wonder! Maybe it's just our nature as humans to try and make things more difficult for ourselves. If there's an easier way it must not be the best way. Lets see how we can further complicate matters. And rules. We just love all the rules. Which you can probably tell I don't really like to follow. I do, though. For the most part, but I don't like it.

Okay. I'm done with my obsessive rant. I'm gonna go try to get sumthin ucomplished now so I can feel pruductiv.

BTW, Jack's Daddy was an English Major. I'm sure I make him very proud.

Half-Nekkid Thursday-Gamma Gamma Gams

It's that time again. Time to bare it all! Okay. Not ALL, but some anyway. Go see Osbasso to learn more about Half-Nekkid Thursday, why people are getting nekkid, and how you can play too!

My fourth photo for the world of nekkiditity. (as far as I'm concerned that is a word) She's got LEGS, all the way up to...well, you know. ;)



Happy HNT! MWAAH! Let me know if you played so I can come visit!

Way Back Wednesday-Punk in Pink

Welcome to another Way Back Back Wednesday, hosted by the ever fabulous mamaduck at The Kept Woman. This weeks theme is: It seemed like a good idea at the time...pictures of you doing something stupid or alternatively something that you thought was cool at the time but you look back and think WTF?

Ok. Now this was stupid.



My only defense is that I was in 7th grade. This is my one and only attempt at being Punk. ( I realize that I failed miserably ) Why I thought pink, or hot pink rather was punk is beyond me. Maybe it was back then, but I don't really remember. What I do remember is I was on my way to a Halloween dance in the Middle School Gym. I had a major crush on a young freckled face Mr. Eugene Lester Lafountain III. No. I am not even kidding. He did notice me in my flashy get up and said something like, "you like pink, don't you?", as I walked past him on my way to the bathroom. My friend and I giggled like a couple of school girls, well, because we were. My crush finally blossomed into a full blown love affair when we starting "going out" the summer before 8th grade. Our relationship consisted of one dance at a friends party, one date (minature golfing during the day, because I had to be home before dark), and talking on the phone...oh maybe..five times. About a month and half later, he dumped me. I, of course, was devastated. Heartbroken. Until I started going out with his best friend a month after that. Yup. And that as they say, is that.

Thank you to MamaDuck, for dreaming up Way Back Wednesday, which allows me to take a weekly walk down my own personal memory lane.

Matching Moms dot com

I found this website, Matching Moms about a week ago. What it is, essentially, is a dating service for moms. Really. You can go on and look up other moms in your area, read their profile and send them a message if you like what you read. Something like "Hey. I read your profile. You seem hot. Wanna hook up for a playdate with my son and me?" Well, okay. Maybe not exactly like that but you get the idea.

Well, because we know absolutely no one with any kids Jacks age, I decided to register to see if we could find him a playmate. That was about a week ago. So far I've gotten twenty five responses/requests to "hook up" . Twenty Five. I had no idea there were so many other desperate moms in my area. Because I know there is a very strong chance that some may be a "match" and some may not, (by match I mean the other mutha and I will not hate each others guts-same with the kids) I would like to meet them all. You know. Keep plenty of options. But, when the hell am I going to meet twenty-five other Muthas??? Even at one a day during the week it would still take me five weeks for crying out loud.(see?? math is not that hard)Should I host a Meet the Muthas party and have them all write and essay on why they think they can be our friends? Or maybe do some piggy back play dating? Is it considered cheating if you leave one playdate a little early so you can make your next one? I just don't know. I'm not that familiar in the etiquette of Mommy and Me Land.

I'm being a little sarcastic, in case you hadn't noticed. There is a part of me that really thinks that this is a great thing. You know, to meet new people, especially ones with children that Jack can play with. Then there is this other part. The part that still has a hard time with the term Play Date. There is something about it that is so fucking structured, stiff and even a little scary. I have images of stepford-like moms with their little robot children doing just as mommy instructs. "Ok, Tommy. Now draw a flower. No, Tommy. Not with the blue crayon. We draw the red crayons. There. No Tommy. Don't use your imagination. Just draw the grass green like mommy is doing. There. Perfect."

Okay. So maybe that's a little over the top, but maybe not. All I know, is that there were no PLAY DATES when I was a kid. And play in itself was rarely structured. It's all very foreign to me. That's all I'm really saying. I think.

What's for SALE??

I'm glad you asked. These.

See? I am actually doing other things with my time too. It's not all about posting half-nekkid pictures of my fat ass. I did take the last three weeks off, which was nice. It was kind of fun just being a stay at home mom, who doesn't have to cram each and every free waking moment with work. But, alas, the fun is over. Now I have to figure out how to fit raising my child, making and selling dolls, working out, and my artwork (which I have pretty much abandoned at the moment) all into a day again. OH, and I should probably shower and eat too. I'm already stressed just thinking about it. Fuck.

Half-Nekkid Thursday-3rd photo

It's that time again already! Go see Osbasso to learn more about Half-Nekkid Thursday, why people are getting nekkid, and how you can play too!

Another rack shot this week, only because I didn't have time for anything else. This one was taken along with my very first little bewbie pic. And yes, I am squeezing them together to create as much of an illusion of cleavage as possible. Just makin' the most out of what I got. ;) Happy HNT! Let me know if you played!

Way Back Wednesday-as sexy as we wanna be

I almost forgot!! It's Way Back Wednesday! Brought to us by the size 2 MamaDuck at The Kept Woman. This weeks theme is Fifteen minutes of fame! Any theatrical/dance/etc. productions that you've taken part in, even if it is just you being a drama queen.

This was a tough one for me because I've never taken part in any of the above. In fact I've made it a point to avoid any type of activity that could involve standing on a stage in front any amount of people. STAGE FRIGHT! Sick to my stomach, I'm going to puke and pass out stage fright. Of course if I have a large quanitiy of alcohol in my bloodstream...well that's another story, isn't it.

So, I came up with something that is pretty much me being my own private drama queen without much of an audience. The ever famous OLD TYME PHOTO. Come on. I know you all must have one of these or at the very least you always consider doing it whenever you see them. I think this was taken one summer at Hampton Beach. I'm not positive though, but let's be honest...do you really care? No. It's me (on the left) with my cousin L , boozin' it up and trying to be all hot and sexy. I think we were 13 and 15 at the time. I remember I thought this picture was DA BOMB.



Yeah. It's not. I was chewing gum when they took and you can actually see the gum almost coming out of mouth. It kinda looks like a messed up tooth. And DAMN, I was skinny. Like, Paris Hilton skinny. As you can probably tell from my last HNT post, that is no longer the case ;)

Half-Nekkid Thursday-Second Photo

Brought to us by Osbasso

I missed last week but I'm back again to join all you fabulous nekkid bloggers out there. Woo Hoo! I wasn't feeling extremely creative so I decided to do something easy. ;)

I present to you my second HNT photo...Baby got Back. More than I really need, to be honest.

Way Back Wednesday-I gotta be me

It's time, again, for Way Back Wednesday, hosted by MamaDuck at The Kept Woman. This weeks theme is I gotta be me. We were to post a picture of ourselves doing something that we don't think anyone else would either do or post. This really was a toss up for me, but after much consideration I came up with this beauty.



Now it's not that I think you all haven't done this before. I'm sure you have. ;) I just doubt anyone else would be as foolish as I to post it here for all to see. The history behind this photo: This was taken the morning I left my ex to make a new life for myself in Vegas. I was on a natural high. An hour after I struck this sexy (ha) pose I was in my ghetto van and on the road. Ah... Good times .