One Crazy Mutha

What a difference...

2007-05-12T21:21:00.000-05:00

a day makes.

Yesterday I posted a photo of some tulips that I bought earlier in the week. Today I feel like an idiot for posting a photo of the tulips I bought earlier in the week. Yesterday I talked about how I'd spend Mothers Day. Today I feel like an idiot. Period.

And what a difference a day makes.

Last night I asked a question and heard an all too familiar response. Silence. It wasn't just any question. It was an important question. "Do you want to leave?", was the question. My answer was silence.

This morning I heard those three little words that we've probably all said or heard at one point or another. No, not those three little words. "I'm not happy", is what I heard. And although I wasn't suprised, this was the first time I actually heard the words out loud. And the first time I'd seen that look. I remember it because I once had the same look on my face while I said the exact same words.

I probably don't need to tell you how shitty it feels to know that the person you promised to give your life to, and created a child with, doesn't want you anymore.... and hasn't for quite some time, although he would never admit to it. I guess, that because he wouldn't admit to it I convinced myself that maybe I was wrong...maybe these instincts...this intuition...was really just all in my head. Or almost convinced myself.

Aside from feeling like a failure (yet again), I feel stupid. And lost. And alone. I feel sick, deep in the pit of my stomach. I feel like a complete chump...just going about my day...making plans for the future...booking a vacation...planning a fathers day gift. But most of all my heart is breaking, not only for myself and the lost dreams, but for my son.

When you have a child your world shifts and so does your focus. Everything becomes about them, and although I am far from perfect, I have tried so hard to put his needs first. Always. Even if it meant sacrificing things that were important to me or accepting situations that I'd normally have no tolerance for. And now, here comes this blow. This huge life altering decision that's going to tear his world apart. And I have no control over it. I can't stop it. I can't change it.

How will I ever be able to make this better?

A sure sign...

2007-05-11T12:23:00.000-05:00

that Spring has truly arrived.

Happy Early Mother's Day to all you mutha's out there. May those who repeatedly "suck you dry" every other day of year, treat you right on Sunday.

As for me, I will be spending a small portion of my day having my entire body rubbed and tugged and beaten back into shape. I knew Jack's Daddy would be racking his brain as to what to get me that a) wouldn't piss me off...and b) would make me feel appreciated enough not to run away. I decided to take the pressure off two weeks ago, and just told him what I wanted. He's happy because he didn't have to think. I'm happy because I get what I want. Does it get any better than that? Really. I'm asking. Does it??

I took a peak at my hand made, Mother's Day card from Jack, which is currently being displayed in our local grocery store...

Mommy, I love you because...

we play in the backyard.

Priceless.

Half Nekkid Thursday - #40

2007-05-10T06:13:00.000-05:00

Wanna know why everyone's gettin' nekkid?? Click the link above and visit Osbasso to find out.

It's been a while, I know. But...here she comes again, when she's dancing' neath the stormy sky... Actually, when I took these, the skies were far from stormy and I could litteraly feel the replenishing of my vitamin D...today I offer up number forty in my half-nekkid journey......kiss of the sun....

(other names considered for todays pics...ab-less...soft belly...shut up about my squishy stomach...) ha...eh..see for yourself.

Thanks to mother nature and the miracle of birth, my bikini days are long gone...but i'm really digging this new suit. Very Joan Crawford...you know, before she was known as mommy dearest.

did you get nekkid or what?

Static...

2007-05-09T15:17:00.000-05:00

Yup. That's pretty much all I can say about this one.

Tonight.
Lost.
Watch it.
Bye.

Where the hell have I been??

2007-05-08T09:46:00.000-05:00

Your guess is as good as mine. I thought I'd take a little break from the world of blogging, but I never intended to be gone this long. As usual, time is an issue. I honestly don't know how some of you do it. Even the moms who are home all day. Once I start up blogging again, then I start reading again and before you know it I'm trying to keep up with the happenings of 20 odd bloggers, along with manage my own life. It's TIME CONSUMING, man!

Anyway. Here I am again. Anyone who was reading me has moved on I'm sure, and I'm back to square one. Good thing I like starting over.

So what's been going on? Well I'll tell you. Whether you care or not.

We've been sick almost non-stop since my son started preschool. LOADS of fun, let me tell ya, but I'm staring to get used it.

I've been trying to "diet"...haha...work out etc....and each time I feel I'm depriving myself I go on a brownie/cookie/iced cream binge. I just don't like to be told what to do...not even by myself. I think I've finally decided to take it slower. I like to eat healthy and I normally do...it's only when I force myself to loose "this much in this length of time" that I fly off the handle. For now, I'm just going give it rest. Do what feels good and see what happens with my body over a longer period of time. It's not like I'm fucking huge. I'm just never going to be a size 3 again. So be it. And this subject is CLOSED!

I read The Secret. Anyone else?? Great stuff...or a bunch of bull? I'd like your opinions. Really. Personally I think there's something to it all, BUT...being one of the world most negative thinking people I'm having trouble working it to my advantage. I can be obsessive at times. (betcha didn't know that) and when I have obsessed over something, 9 times out of 10 that obsession becomes reality. Not always a good thing. Thinking positively is something I really need to work on. But, I'm a loser, so I probably won't. ;)

The husband aka Jack's daddy has gone back to school and is starting the long road towards obtaining his MBA. Along with that and going away on business every month or so, he's been a bit of ghost. Even when he is here, his mind is never present. I know...woe is me...the poor pitiful housewife. Piss off! I'm over it. :)

I've also been busy trying to ensure my son grows up to be a healthy, well adjusted human being. A lot of times that requires me pretending to be a healthy, well adjusted human being, but it seems to be working. I've also been busy making my dolls and attempting to contribute. My sculpting has been put on hold, simply because I'm a mom. There are always a million things that come before doing what I want to do. It's a part of the job that I'm finally starting to adjust to. Luckily my child makes it all worthwhile. I keep telling myself that when he's finally off to school I'm going to miss these days and his little booger face so much...I will regret having taken any time away from him to pursue "my goals".

ummm...What else? Let's see. Pretty boring. Uh...We're going to Texas in a couple of weeks. Looking forward to that...and blah blah blah...I think that's it.

A half hearted update, I'll admit, but at least it's something. I'm making an honest attempt here, to get back to business. Mostly because I like to ramble on. It's good for me.

Have a tantalizing Tuesday!

Tickle me Tuesday

2007-03-20T09:28:00.000-05:00

I'm bored. Make me laugh! Know any good jokes? Funny true stories? If you do, please share. I'd pay you if only I had the means to do so...

Uh..yeah. I don't really know what I'm doing here anymore. I'm randomly posting over here and randomly posting on myspace. There's no rhyme or reason to what goes where and why. I'm trying to decide if I should just consolidate or delete or repeat. So for now, If I'm not here, I'm there. But today, I'm here.

I just checked out my sitemeter, which I don't often do, just to see who was popping in. Yeah. I can't really tell. What I did find, though, were some funny search phrases that led some unique individuals right to me.

Word for word what was typed into google and ended up pulling up my site...

1. make believe boyfriend

2. peed in her pants

3. half nekkid thursday (no big surprise)

4. rasta ralphie (number one search)

and finally

5. brought to climax by the massage therapist

First of all... What?!? And secondly, what kind of crap am I blogging about??

Happy Tuesday. Don't forget to tickle me with some funny...

Half Nekkid Thursday - #39

2007-03-15T13:30:00.000-05:00

Wanna know why everyone's gettin' nekkid?? Click the link above and visit Osbasso to find out.

If you're looking for T and A you won't find it here today. And let's be honest, I'm sure you've seen enough of that in your travels on this fine Thursday. Today I offer, only this...number thirty nine in my half-nekkid journey......saran wrap....

cuz I thought it looked cool.

did you get nekkid or what?

It's on the way

2007-03-13T08:21:00.000-05:00

Spring, that is. It's amazing what a little sunshine and above freezing temperatures will do for my mood and energy level. We're not out of the woods yet. It's supposed to plummet again this weekend, but I refuse to think about that now.

All in all it really isn't as horrible as I seem to think it is. Living back in New England. The summers are great and by the end I really do look forward to the fall. There's Halloween in October, and playing dress up is one of my favorite things to do. Then November isn't too bad, with Thanksgiving to plan for and look forward to. December is spent planning, decorating and shopping for Christmas. New Years used to be a highlight but now than I'm married with child and OLD to boot, it's really just another night. Then comes January and February. The two longest, darkest, coldest months of the year. Right around January 2ND is when I start saying how much it sucks here and how I want move back to a warmer climate. I sleep more and I'm always tired. I have very little energy and what I do have comes only from sugar or sugar water (coffee), which in turn, adds the unwanted lbs to, not only, my waistline, but my hips and ass. Those two months alone seem to last half the year, in my mind.

But then March rolls around. Ahh...March! And I start to get excited, however the first two weeks are basically a slap in the face..or a kick in the ass...take your pick. A nasty reminder that...FUCK...it's still winter! By the middle of the month, though, things start to change. The lakes and ponds are thawing out... it's still daylight while I'm cooking dinner...I can go outside in a heavy sweatshirt and my nipples don't freeze and fall off. I get the spring cleaning/organizing bug AND the energy to actually do it! I break out the flip flops. I may not actually wear them yet, but I break them out anyway and set them by the door in preparation. Right around March 15Th is when I start to remember all the reasons why I love it here and why it will always be home, no matter where I end up in the future.

So there.

Half Nekkid Thursday - #38

2007-03-08T16:46:00.000-05:00

Wanna know why everyone's gettin' nekkid?? Click the link above and visit Osbasso to find out.

I'm late for another date.

I'm still struggling to get back into the swing of things. Too much to do...so little time...but yet I aways find myself coming back. So, better late than never ...number thirty eight in my half-nekkid journey......the photographer....

My first attempt at sculpting...

2007-03-07T15:48:00.000-05:00

...a one of a kind doll. I've been wanting to do this for about 6 years. I've wanted to sculpt something for much longer than that. Why, on earth, it takes me so long to get with the program, I may never know. But I've gotten with it over that last week and wanted to post some pics of my first try. Please keep in mind (she?) is still in the very beginning stages...so her head isn't quite the right shape yet and she's got a pretty bad case of the mumps...I mean bumps. I was more anxious to see if I could get the facial structure and features right...or close to right...than I was about smoothing out my clay.

So...here she is for all to see and judge...(READ: PLEASE, don't really judge me, cuz i'm very sensitive and if you hate her and tell me it'll probably scar me for life)

If you wanna see...

2007-03-03T13:16:00.000-05:00

Here's the link for anyone who wants to take a peek at the babies. I'm not sure if all the pics are still there by I know the most recent two are. Enjoy!

Dream Babies

Nothing of any importance

2007-03-02T10:21:00.000-05:00

Just a warning. This is going to be completely random. My brain doesn't have any desire to keep organized thoughts today so dive in at your own risk.

How come I can put the same exact amount of water in my oatmeal one day and it turns out thick...and then another day it turns out watery? The SAME amount of water. How is that possible?

I know I've been slacking as of late. Is this anything new? No. Of course not. I tell myself I have nothing to say, but that's not completely true. I will, at times, throughout the week find myself thinking..."I should write a blog about this or that or the other thing"...usually times when I'm NOT sitting at my computer. Then two days later when I actually have the time to write about this, that or the other thing, I realize it was a really stupid idea to begin with. Not that most of my rantings aren't stupid anyway, but at least I don't think so when I'm in full blown blog mode.

Anyway. It's raining out. On one hand that's a good thing. I've had sinus headaches for the last three days because it's been sooo dry. Rain=humidity so I've gotten some relief. On the other hand my brain requires sun to function on a normal level. Without the sun I just kind of walk around in circles like a dog looking for a good place to shit. Yeah.

I had a panic attack yesterday, in the shower of all places. I usually don't talk about them because most people don't get it. They don't know what they are. They don't understand. They look at me like I'm a fucking lunatic. And in the end I end up feeling worse than I did before I said anything. I don't really care right now though. Anxiety is something I live with daily, but I haven't had a full blown panic attack in a LONG time. (and yes, I do realize that was the second time I used "full blown" in the same blog. I may even use it again, so prepare yourself) The main theme behind all of my panic attacks is, well, fear, of course. FEAR. Irrational fear that somehow manifests itself into physical symptoms. I can't breath. I start to go numb, my heart beats out of my chest, my hands shake, my legs get weak, and I either sweat or turn a nice pastey shade of dead. It didn't last long. As quickly as it came...so it went. Why, though? Don't know. No fucking idea. Up until that point I was having a pretty good morning. It came from nowhere. And although I'm now able to recognize it for what it is, midstream, there is still a small part of me that doesn't fully realize what has happened until it's over. When my husaband came home from work, I did what any rational self medicating person would do. I went out bought myself a large bottle of Piccala, a pack of smokes and a trashy celebrity gossip magazine. Hey. I KNOW how to take care of myself.

On a happy note, lets talk about money. I'm making some. Finally. I'm 99% sure it has everything to do with my kick ass Nikon showing it like it is. MY dolls have been averaging $350, with my last one selling for $847. Yeah. You heard me. Why on earth anyone would pay that much for a doll is beyond me. Way beyond me, but I'm not complaining. I am, however, worried. Worried that once they receive it, they'll realize it doesn't actually shit, piss or breath...and be disapointed. Ah well. We'll see. I certainly didn't twist anyones arm to cough up that much dough for a few pieces of painted vinyl. It's not making me rich, but it's certainly a profitable part time job now.

My son took his first shit in the potty the other day. It was a very big deal and a complete accident. It was half out when I put him on the seat and it just kind of plopped out. How's that for painting a pretty picture? Told you. Random. Next I may talk about hemorrhoids. Then again...

I guess that's all I have. And I'm off...probably to go walk around in circles again.

Have a great weekend!

Filling Space and Wasting Time

2007-02-16T15:05:00.000-05:00

I'd like to run away from you

But if I were to leave you I would die

I'd like to break the chains you put around me

And yet I'll never try

No matter what you do you drive me crazy

I'd rather be alone

But then I know my life would be so empty

As soon as you were gone

Impossible to live with you

But I could never live without you

For whatever you do

For whatever you do

I never, never, never

Want to be in love with anyone but you

You make me sad

You make me strong

You make me mad

You make me long for you

You make me long for you

You make me live

You make me die

You make me laugh

You make me cry for you

You make me cry for you

I hate you

Then I love you

Then I love you

Then I hate you

Then I love you more

For whatever you do

I never, never, never

Want to be in love with anyone but you

You treat me wrong

You treat me right

You let me be

You make me fight with you

I could never live without you

You make me high

You bring me down

You set me free

You hold me bound to you

I hate you

Then I love you

Then I love you

Then I hate you

Then I love you more

I love you more

For whatever you do

For whatever you do

I never, never, never

Want to be in love with anyone but you

I never, never, never

I never, never, never

I never, never, never

Want to be in love with anyone but you

But you

I fucking HATE Celine Dion

Half -Nekkid Thursday - #37

2007-02-15T08:17:00.000-05:00

Wanna know why everyone's gettin' nekkid?? Click the link above and visit Osbasso to find out.

How do you measure a year?

If you're visiting from myspace this will won't be new for you. I haven't had a chance to get all creative but I wanted to play today and this is all I have. For the rest of you...enjoy. This was my favorite musical. I've seen it in three different cities and would see again. I'm not really a fanatic, I guess, because I've only seen it three times. Never did rent the DVD. To be honest I'm not really into musicals, unless I see them live. I'm also not big into buying shirts from events I go to. They're usually cheaply made and way overpriced, but this little number ended up being one of my favorite little tanks ever. I've pretty much outgrown it, as far as being able to wear it in public. It's worn out and the pits are all sweat stained, but yet I've still held onto it, for whatever reason, and decided to share it with you here in a very wet way. So, here you have it ...number thirty seven in my half-nekkid journey......525600 minutes....

It's good to be back. Did you get nekkid?

Happy Valentines Day...

2007-02-14T16:34:00.000-05:00

What happened over winter break...

2007-02-13T10:47:00.000-05:00

We'll get to that. But first...I'm back. If anyone cares. Does anyone care? Have I lost ALL of my make believe friends? OH, damn. I think I have a fear of commitment. When I first get started it's all well and good. New, fun and exciting. But then...well it starts to get old and feel like a job...a chore...a responsibility...and then, well, I bail. This hear could explain a lot about my life. Anyway...

What happened over my winter break...in list form...because we love lists.

1. Jack started preschool. I'm now a free woman three mornings a week. This is a HUGE deal, considering I've only had a babysitter THREE times in the past two years eight months.

2. An astronaut peed in her pants all the way from TX to FL just so she could go all crazy on some chick that she thought her "make believe" boyfriend was fucking.

3. I had my fourth colposcopy. Lab results aren't back yet, but it's most likely NOT cancer, which is a good thing.

4. I'm not pregnant. Feb was the cut off month for trying, so at this point it is safe to say I will not be having anymore babies unless they are accidents. I'm really okay with that.

5. I'm still fighting off the tail end of a nasty virus my son brought home on his first day of preschool. NASTY! But I'm better, thanks for asking.

6. I think we should put our house on the market. Jack's daddy does not. A difference of opinion that neither of us is working to resolve.

7. I celebrated, and I use that term lightly, my 35th birthday. I still don't look a day over 25. Agree with me on this one...mmmkay?

8. I started taking my pink pill again, but only for three days. It turned me into a zombie, so I stopped and am now trying to plow my way through my own anxiety using natural methods, like vitamins and exercise (go TOM...jk)and the occasional alcoholic beverage.

9. The nasty virus enabled me to lose 7 lbs and stop smoking. For now at least.

10. I lived through another anniversary of my mothers death. It always amazes me. And freaks me out that I am now older than she ever was.

11. On that very same day, Anna Nicole Smith died. It upset me. It always upsets me when someone dies (well, almost always), but this upset me more. I like Anna Nicole in all her disfunction and tabloid lifestyle. The media is making a joke of her life and death. The media sucks ass.

12.um..um..um..what else...I guess that's pretty much it. I haven't shaved my legs in a few days...but you don't care about that.

So there you have it. The life and times of me. I haven't been around the blog block in a while but I'm dying to make the rounds and check up on all my favorites. I feel so out of touch when I don't know what's going on in everyone's lives. It's like I need to swim around in your disfunction, so I can make peace with my own.

Anyway. What's on the agenda? Well...I'm thinking of giving this place a face lift...or maybe moving it altogether...or maybe starting a new blog...or several separate ones...or something. I'm not sure yet. As you can tell.

Just one random thought before I go...shouldn't the word BLOG be in bloggers spell check??...I'm just saying...

Sorry, we're closed.

2007-01-12T10:13:00.000-05:00

I'm in need of a break, so I'm taking one. As if this last week of no posts didn't give that away. Imagine if my blog were my life. You know...my actual life...and I could just type a cute little post saying...

taking a break. back soon.

That would be most helpful. I wonder if it's like that with people who slip into a catatonic state. Don't mind me. Just takin' a break.

Well. Anyway. As hard as I've tried I just can't seem to reach that state, and as I can't take a break from my actual life, I have to take a break from this here blog.

I need some time.
Time to potty train.
Time to play with my new camera.
Time to work on three unfinished paintings.
Time to make some money makers.
Time to sculpt.
Time to clean my house.
Time to work out.
Time to work on drinking from a big boy cup. Well. not me...
Time to veg...

Not that I honestly believe I can fit all that into my measly blogging time but still...

Au Revoir, ma petite poissons

Half Nekkid Thursday - #36

2007-01-04T02:29:00.000-05:00

Wanna know why everyone's gettin' nekkid?? Click the link above and visit Osbasso to find out.

Well if you read the previous post, which I'm certain most of you didn't, you would know that I got a kick ass Nikon D80 from Santa this year. Not because I was good, mind you...because I wasn't. Apparently Santa really does like 'em naughty.

Anyway, it finally arrived two days ago because it was on back order, and as much as I wanted to start using it I just didn't have time for this weeks HNT. I'm the type of person who really needs to read the ENTIRE manual before I start on my technical adventures. And, no, it's not because I'm blonde. Har, har, fucking har. I think, maybe, it's because I have a touch of OCD.

Luckily I still have a few photos in the archives to hold me over...or you over. So this week we have...

...number thirty six in my half-nekkid journey......she never begs....

Did you get nekkid?

One of my...

2007-01-03T17:12:00.000-05:00

...favorite places in the whole world. I'd like to be there now.

Happy Hump Day.

Welcome to 2007...

2007-01-02T07:00:00.000-05:00

Wow. 2007. Doesn't that seem... like...wrong?? How can I possibly be old enough for it to be 2007?? I remember when 1990 seemed like worlds away.

I know a lot of people who hate the idea of making yearly resolutions, so they just never do it. I'm not one of those people. Instead I usually come up with this incredibly long list, that, once accomplished, I'm sure, will turn me into the perfect human being that I think I ought to be. I've done it again this year...

1. Quit SMOKING!!!
2. Go back on SB and eat right
3. 30 minutes of cardio daily
4. 3 days pilates/yoga
5. limit myself to 30 minutes of blog time daily
6. paint every day!! even if it's for 15 minutes
7. Master my new Nikon D80...yup...you heard me.
8. Move Jack to his big boy bed
9. Start and Finish potty training

There you have it. Nine things. I have a tenth but it's more like an inevitable so why add it to the list. Am I setting myself up to fail?? Probably. I can't help it though, it's my thing. Maybe my new years resolution should be to just stop doing my "thing".

Yeah. So anyway. Number 8 is pretty much done. Did it yesterday and so far so good. Only seven more to go.

Even with my limited 30 minutes of blog time I'm going to try to update more regularly, although that may not happen until Feb. This month I'll be busy with work and sculpting. I'm hoping to start offering my own doll sculpts in 2007. Shit!! That should have been on my list. I also have to go in for ANOTHER colposcopy, which will most definitely be followed by ANOTHER LEEP. Not the best way to head into a new year, but the way I see it, by the end of Jan it will all be over, hopefully for a good long time.

I hope you all have a fabulous new year!

Merry Christmas!!!!

2006-12-22T13:41:00.000-05:00

There. I fucking said it. I know it's all taboo in this day and age, but...you know...I like to shake things up. Now that I've done that...I'll go back to being the diplomat, that I get so tired of hearing I am, and I'll also say...

Happy Hanukkah!
Happy Quanza!
Feliz Navidad!
Happy Winter Solstice!
Happy HOLIDAYS!
Happy Fucking Winter!
Happy Birthday!

Did I forget anything?? Probably. If I left whatever it is you celebrate out, feel free to fill in the blank here...Happy _________. If you run out of room you can use the back of the sheet. If by chance you don't celebrate anything at all, please don't let the above happy wishes offend you...and just go have yourself a nice day.

Why am I such a wise ass?? Who knows. Seriously, though, I wish you all the best! I'm not sure if I'll be back before New Year, so I'm getting all my well wishing out of the way now.

Just a couple of things before I go. To answer TKW's question yesterday...NO announcement to be made. The rabbit is not dead. I swear.

And to anonymous...thanks so much for your concern. Really. I do feel strongly about a lot of subjects and I rather enjoy getting all wound up...or was that tied up??...I forget. Anyway, my point was..or is...that this here is the one place I don't have to take it easy. The one place I'm allowed to get all wound up and dump my wrath. If there's anyone who doesn't enjoy sharing in my rants and fits of insanity...well...you know the way out. That being said...don't forget to pick your happy or merry from the list above before you leave.

Okay. I'm done.

Half - Nekkid Thursday #35

2006-12-21T01:16:00.000-05:00

Wanna know why everyone's gettin' nekkid?? Click the link above and visit Osbasso to find out.

I've been neglecting my blog again lately, mostly because I have nothing to say. (there...I said it) But...it's Thursday and I'd hate to disappoint on the only day all you pervs tune in.

If there's a theme, again, I'm not doing it. I'm a rebel. I march to the beat of a different drum. I'm a rule breaker! Okay...maybe I'm just lazy.

...number thirty five in my half-nekkid journey...hidden.

Those of you who are just here for the skin may now be excused. For the rest of you...feel free to read on. Hello? Ah..well.

I feel like rambling. So here I go. Christmas is less than a week away. Gifts are bought and wrapped and cleverly hidden. I've lost a little of my spirit during the whole process. I was planning on making cookies and giving them to my neighbors. I used to, many years ago. Not here. The other places I've lived. Then I started thinking...shit...if I do it this year, I'll have to do it next year too...and the year after that...and holy shit...I've just condemned myself to a lifetime of giving Christmas cookies to these people I hardly know and rarely even talk to. That's just too much fucking pressure. I can't commit myself to that kind of crap. God! I've got enough shit to do. (are you feeling the Christmas spirit yet?) Anyway...the truth is I may not even be here next year, never mind for the rest of my life, BUT...just in case, I decided the nix the cookie idea. Unless, of course, they bring something over first and then I'm obligated to whip up a last minute batch and pretend like I'd intended to give them all along. Which...I kind of did...until now.

I just feel lazy. Uninspired. Bored. Tired. A bit nauseous. My only goal right now is to give my little man the best Christmas possible. Every thing else is kind of getting pushed aside to be dealt with...at a later date.

I renewed my drivers license. The picture looks retarded. It's better than my old one, which made me look like 15 years older than I am, but it's still retarded. I'm retarded.

I've been having heartburn lately. I've got to quit the chocolate.

Half-Nekkid Thursday #34

2006-12-14T08:40:00.000-05:00

Wanna know why everyone's gettin' nekkid?? Click the link above and visit Osbasso to find out.

First and foremost, I'd like to give a shout out to a special birthday boy. I remember back when you were the only one old enough to rent the motel room. Now you're...well...shit, almost twice that age. :)

Moving on. There was a theme today. A Christmas tree theme and I would have done it. Really. If only I had time. So instead I have my own theme today. Sort of.

...number thirty four in my half-nekkid journey is ...behind.

a little behind??

a lot behind.

I know they're blurry. Sue me. I'm really behind.

Did you play? I can't promise I'll visit today, but I'm sure to stop by at some point.

Half Nekkid Thursday - #33

2006-12-07T01:24:00.000-05:00

Wanna know why everyone's gettin' nekkid?? Click the link above and visit Osbasso to find out.

Time to show some skin, which btw, I seem have more and more of, the older I get. Somehow that doesn't seem right. Anyway, no screwing around today. I simply don't have the time... with presents to wrap, packages to send, cookies to bake, and beer to drink...not necessarily in that order. Without further adieu...

...number thirty three in my half-nekkid journey I'll simply call ...bite me.

Did you get nekkid?

Way Back Wednesday - Christmas Rejects

2006-12-06T13:40:00.000-05:00

It's hump day and the day we play that game where The Kept Woman asks us to post embarrassing pictures of ourselves online for all the world to see.

This weeks theme is: REject Christmas Card Attempts- My dad felt the need to keep the 28 photos it took to get The One that we would use...let's see all those less than desireable family shots.

I'm a little late today. I was having issues. I'm better now, I think. I'm kind of cheating a little on this weeks theme, because the "Christmas card pictures" didn't start in my family until I was out and on my own. My mother never had a thing for taking pictures, or even looking at them. She does, however, enjoy holding them hostage...but that's a whole other post, isn't it. Moving forward... So, I chose the picture that I would reject, had it been up for nomination. WARNING: This is not pretty, and the fact that I'm even posting it here just proves that I don't have an ounce of self respect left in my worn out, aging body. Eh...whatever.

Told you. Not a pretty sight. I'm not talking about the famous FAKE Christmas background, complete with fireplace and tree, or the Christina Crawford hair and dress. I'm talking about the teeth! A smile only a mother could love...or not. What amazes me more than anything, though, is that I never did have braces. They just all kind of fell down into place, not perfectly mind you, but damn if you could tell I ever had a mouth like this.

Did you play??

A fly on the wall #1

2006-12-02T11:16:00.000-05:00

If you were a fly on the wall...this it what you would have heard recently in my house.

Me: Okay it's almost time for bed...let's clean up your toys.

Jack: No bed...puzzle...mommy? puzzle?

Me: We can put your puzzle together before we put it away.

Jack: yeah...okay. (yeah is always followed by okay)

and we proceed to put the puzzle together...a barney puzzle btw

Jack: bj feet...bj feet!!

Me: where do you think bj's feet go??

Jack: right dere

Me: i don't think so...i think that's were bj's head goes...how about we try bj's feet here...

Jack: yeah...okay.

Me: look!! we did it!!

Jack: good boy, mommy!!

:)

Stuff Portrait Friday -Some Things...

2006-12-01T23:56:00.000-05:00

TGIF, bitches! Time to play SPF with Kristine over at Random and Odd. Today's theme:

1. Something that makes you go “hmmmm.”
2. Something Sweet
3. Something Retro

Okay, before we begin, I have to admit I started out confused by number one. Apparently I don't know the difference between mmmmm and hmmmm. Well, at least not at first glance. Luckily, my last few brain cells kicked in so...

Here we go..

1. Something that makes me go "hmmmm,"

A photo of a photo obviously. Not sure if I'm breaking any rules or not because I don't read the rules. Anyway. I was flipping through people magazine the other day, while Jack was using me as his own personal sofa, and we came across this pic of my other fantasy love Chris. I go to turn the page and Jack stops me..."what daddy doing?" he says, as he points to the picture. Daddy?? Now I've been crushin' on Mr. Daughtry since the first episode of last seasons AI...and never once did I think to myself...hmmm....he looks like my husband. HMMMM.

2. Something Sweet

(my attempt to stay away from FOOD altogether.) I'll admit he isn't ALWAYS sweet, but knock on wood...we've have 4 sweet days in a row. Someone's loving me.

3. Something Retro

Not the shirt per se...the Love Machine. I want one. There is nothing cooler than a pimped out VW Bus. Throw in some Shaggy and I'm there.

Have a lovely weekend!

Did you play?

Half Nekkid Thursday - #32

2006-11-30T01:40:00.000-05:00

Wanna know why everyone's gettin' nekkid?? Click the link above and visit Osbasso to find out.

Did ya miss me?? Well I missed you, and I hereby vow, to never let internet issues or Turkey Day interfere with my getting Nekkid ever again. Amen. Lately I've had the urge to ride naked on the back of a bike. Well...not a bike...but a BIKE. But then I thought...damn...that would be fucking cold...so here's me acting out only half of my fantasy...half nekkid.

...number thirty two in my half-nekkid journey is ...you just can't choose what's she's gonna do.

did you get nekkid??

Way Back Wednesday - Blow Jobs and Cream

2006-11-29T01:21:00.000-05:00

It's hump day and the day we play that game where The Kept Woman asks us to post embarrassing pictures of ourselves online for all the world to see.

This weeks theme is: It's just nature...primal if you will. Even the animals do it. NO, not that...the process of beautification. Walk us through your beauty rituals as you primp...shaving? brushing hair? putting on lipstick?

Both of these babies go back...way back...to the skinny days aka the boobless days. I no longer have bones popping out my body...in fact...I can hardly even find my bones anymore.

Anywho. Picture number one. A must in daily ritual, especially now, in the dry cold winter months...creaming up. Here I am putting on my daily dose of probably Lubriderm. Just look at those sexy little girl legs...and full bottom panties!! Feel free to ignore the wallpaper and everything else in the room. This was my second rental ever...and old chicken coop turned cottage at Rye Beach...we painted and papered before moving in, and well, we did the best we could on a budget of less than nothing.

Photo number two. The blow job...and not that kind of blow job, thanks. I can live without doing that every day. Sorry guys, it's true. What I can't or shouldn't live without is blowing out the natural wave. I'll admit there are times when I let the locks dry naturally. What happens isn't pretty. I end up looking like some chick straight out of the 70's. And not the kind with the nicely ironed hair...something more like Janice Joplin meets Marsha Brady. So, yeah. I blow it out and here I am pre- blow, in a hotel room in Jamaica. See the hip bones??

Did you play??

And so it begins...

2006-11-27T14:14:00.000-05:00

Another hectic holiday season filled with Christmas trees, mistletoe, and growing credit card bills. I love it.

We had a great Thanksgiving visiting with family, and aside from the two and half year old meltdowns, I think Jack enjoyed it too. This was the first holiday we've spent with family in four years. Lots of commotion, food, beer, and a puppy thrown in for some extra excitement. I'm not sure I've ever seen my child as overstimulated as he was, but as we were leaving he sat in the back of the car begging for "more", so it couldn't have been a bad thing.

It's obvious he hasn't inherited his father's (or mine, for that matter) anti-social gene. Okay. Maybe anti-social is a bit harsh. Layed back might be more accurate.

Anyway, we reached a few milestones over our little holiday trip. Jack slept in a "big boy" bed all by himself for the first time and didn't fall out. In fact, I'm pretty sure he didn't even move, which is a good sign considering he'll be moving into his own after Christmas.

I also discovered that traveling in the passenger seat at night, in the dark, is not nearly as stressful for me as it is in the daylight hours. I'm not sure why, but there wasn't even a hint of anxiety, and I don't think I slammed on my make believe brakes even once.

Lastly, I learned that I don't really need a vacation per se, I just need to stay in a nice hotel for a couple of days here and there. I could seriously drive 10 miles down the road, book a room and just hang out and never leave the hotel. Think about it. I never have to make the bed, or clean up. I take a shower, throw my towel on the floor, and while I'm downstairs using the hotels free internet access, the towel fairy replaced the used ones with new ones. And room service. What's not to like about room service. I don't think Jack's daddy thought it was as enjoyable, but then again, he gets all this stuff done for him at home anyway. For me, it was like having a wife.

Anyway. End of one Holiday. Beginning of another. I'm tired. To give you an idea of how tired I actually am...last night I asked Jack's daddy if the broom was in the garage. Not an entirely stupid guestion...until I tell you, we don't have a garage. Yeah. In two days I've managed to get the tree and Christmas decoration up (minus the outside lights which will be next weekend), and get all of my sons shopping out of the way. I'll admit I had some help from my good friend, the internet, where the shopping was concerned. Still more to do, but I'm betting I can knock it all out in one more trip. Two at the most. And then they'll be nothing left to do but sit back, put my feet up, and suck down some rum and eggnogg until the big day.

I would like to see a little snow, though. Yes, I said it. But I also said "a little"...so, Snow Fairy, if you're listening...."a little...a fucking little. That does not mean three feet..got it?" We've actually been too warm for snow over the past few days. I tell you, this global warming thing is doing wonders for the New England weather.

Pictures are coming. Over and out.

A turkey's dream...

2006-11-22T13:22:00.000-05:00

Okay, then.

I lost my internet for about a week and half, which is why I've been MIA. Luckily, it was found today and all is well the world again. Or, it will be once I'm finished catching up on all the things I wasn't able to do. Next week should be business as usual. Which basically means, I'll be back to spending too much time online and neglecting my real life responsibilities. Can't wait!!

Short and sweet today, but I wanted to wish all of you a Happy Turkey Day! All. Of. You. That means, those of you who comment regularly, and those of you who lurk, thinking that somehow you're hiding in the shadows like a spy. Yeah, you too. Happy Turkey Day.

We'll be heading back to my hometown tomorrow to spend the day with family, many of whom I haven't seen in years, and who have yet to meet Jack. I'm looking forward to it and it should be fun, aside from the drive we'll have to make in what looks to be some very wet weather. Riding shotgun next to Jack's Daddy is rarely a very relaxing experience for me, even in good weather. This might be a job for my good friend Xanax.

See you when the food is gone and drink's been drunk.

Stuff Portrait Friday - yes, no, maybe?

2006-11-10T02:36:00.000-05:00

TGIF, Bitches!

Today I'm playing SPF with Kristine over at Random and Odd. Today's theme: This week is a little ‘out of the box, overthinking, or underthinking, off the hook or in the oven’. Basicly it’s going to be hard or easy, it’s up to you.
1. YES!
2. NO!
3. MAYBE.

1. Yes

Big yes! Like I said, it's Friday. After yet another exhausting week the only quesiton I want to here is..."would you like another?". Care to join me? I gotta warn you though...we only have the cheap stuff here. If it's something fancy or hard you're looking for, you'll have to bring your own. ;)

2. NO

And I have to stop doing this. Really. Not even just a little. I have the gum, so here I go.

3.Maybe

Bottle #1 = prenatal vitamins. Bottle #2 = my little pink pills (aka wonder drug). I can't have both. I need to choose. Soon. I've been going with bottle number one for a few months now hoping for a quickly planted seed. Hasn't happened, and I've started to wonder if planting that seed is such a good idea afterall. I'm on a downward spiral where the anxiety is concerned and I can feel my need for bottle number two growing. I still haven't decided which one I will take when I wake up tomorrow morning. Maybe number one. Maybe number two. Or...maybe I won't take either because I'll wake up a completely different woman. Maybe.

Have a great weekend and let me know if you played!

Half Nekkid Thursday #31

2006-11-09T01:28:00.000-05:00

Wanna know why everyone's gettin' nekkid?? Click the link above and visit Osbasso to find out.

It's been a long week guys, and it's still only Thursday. WTF. Although... I don't know why I'm so anxious for the week to be over...my weekends are usually stock piled with even more shit to do. How's a girl get a break? Anyway. I almost forgot about HNT this week but remembered just before I was ready to hop in the shower. Last minute, but it's kind of working for me. This week I give you...

...number thirty one in my half-nekkid journey ...mirror mirror...where's the door.

This is a dark house, very big.
I made it myself,
Cell by cell from a quiet corner,
Chewing at the gray paper,
Oozing the glue drops,
Whistling, wiggling my ears,
Thinking of something else.

-Sylvia Plath, from Dark House

Did you play?

******************************************

Do you listen?

2006-11-08T01:51:00.000-05:00

No Way Back Wednesday today because TKW has decided to take a little vacation. The nerve. I swear.

So, I'm left to my own devices today, which, by the way, is never a good thing. Or maybe it is. Because I'm resisting talking about the "right now", I decided to do my own way back wednesday of sorts, and break out the old journals. This one focuses on dreams. Not the kind that you actually want for yourself, though. The kind that happen late at night when you're fast asleep.

11/8/1996 (holy fuck...ten years ago)

Watched the X-Files last night and Scully reminded Mulder of something he always used to say -Dreams are the answers to questions we have not yet learned to ask.-

And that reminded me of what I used to believe and why I started recording my damn dreams in the first place.-To find their meaning or at least their significance in my life. My dreams are vivid. Strong. They stay with me, sometimes for years. I still remember the dreams I had as a child.

It also made me wonder if dreams are the answers to questions we're too afraid or ashamed to ask. Maybe dreams are admissions to ourselves, of things we wouldn't or couldn't dare admit to while awake. I think that to some extent, they are truths about who we really are and what we really want. Basic desire and need. The raw essentials. I think one of the main reasons people don't believe in their dreams is because they tend to analyze. What they need to do is listen. Listen to what they're telling you. About yourself. About others. When we analyze, sometimes our dreams don't seem to have anything to do with the person that we think we are. But, when you actually listen to what your dreams are telling you, often times, you find out that you're NOT the person that you think you are.

Scully and Mulder. Damn.

A list is a list is a list is a list

2006-11-07T02:52:00.000-05:00

What I did last weekend:

1. Dinner and Drinks on Friday night with a non-mutha who is actually crazier than I am. Literally. Chatted it up with the owner of the restaurant, and continued on for more drinks. Got a sufficent buzz and played with Ella, the pitbull. Quote of the night: People are stupid. I don't trust them not to fuck with simplicity. Retuned home to a late night chat with B.

2. Saturday...bought some polyfil, paintbrushes and canvases. Organized my photos and video clips. Deleted about 180 emails that I really didn't need. Went to BJ's to stock up on diapers, paper towels and toilet paper. You can never have too many of either.

3. Sunday...bought food. Finished a doll, assembled the doll, took photos of the doll, worked on the photos of the doll, and listed the doll on ebay. Also listed some random purple glass.

3. That's it. End of weekend.

What I learned over the weekend:

1. If you eat smoked pork you will continue to burp up the smoked taste for roughly three days afterwards

2. Spending two hours straight slouched over the computer will cause the muscles in your chest to tighten

3. We're always missing out on something great...whether we know it or not

4. If you allow a toddler to play alone in his room for longer than 5 minutes, you will pay for it for the next hour

5. Lack of sleep + too much caffeine = nervous bitch

6. I'm going down...slow dancing in a burning room

7. I really don't like cold weather

8. I really shouldn't have moved back into the cold weather

I think that's it. If I did learn anything else, I'm sure I've already forgotten it.

I have...

2006-11-06T14:39:00.000-05:00

...no words of my own today. So I give you these...

I tell you how I feel
But you don't care
I say tell me the truth
But you don't dare
You say love is a hell
You cannot bear
And I say gimme mine
Back and then go there
For all I care
I got my feet
On the ground
And I don't go to
Sleep to dream
You got your head
In the clouds
And you're not at
All what you seem
This mind, this body
And this voice cannot be
Stifled by your deviant ways
So don't forget what I told you
Don't come around
I got my own hell to raise

I have never been
So insulted in all my life
I could swallow the seas
To wash down all this pride
First you run like a fool
Just to be at my side
And now you run like a fool
But you just run to hide
And I can't abide

I got my feet
On the ground
And I don't go
To sleep to dream
You got your head
In the clouds and
You're not at all
What you seem
This mind, this body
And this voice cannot be
Stifled by your deviant ways
So don't forget what I told you
Don't come around
I got my own hell to raise

Don't make it a big deal
Don't be so sensitive
We're not playing
A game anymore
You don't have
To be so defensive
Don't you plead me your case
Don't bother to explain
Don't even show me your face
'Cause it's a crying shame
Just go back to the rock
From under which you came
Take the sorrow you gave
And all the stakes you claim
And don't forget the blame

I got my feet
On the ground
And I don't go
To sleep to dream
You got your head
In the clouds and
You're not at all
What you seem
This mind, this body
And this voice cannot be
Stifled by your deviant ways
So don't forget
What I told you
Don't come around
I got my own hell to raise

and so we dance...

2006-11-03T01:52:00.000-05:00

I have this thing I like to do. I like to dance. In my kitchen. Usually at night, when I'm alone, while listening to whatever music happens to be tickling my fancy at the time. If you were a fly on the wall of my home (and provided I didn't swat and kill you) this would be a typical conversation you would have heard over the past eight years.

Me: So what are you gonna do?
JD: I was gonna watch TV. Why? what are you gonna do?
Me: I dunno...do you wanna dance??
JD: dance??? (with a look that can only be described as--are you fucking crazy?)
Me: yeah. dance.
JD: here?? (again, with the look)
Me: yes here.
JD: in the kitchen? there's no music. (a slight chuckle and a shake of the head)
Me: we can put on some music. No?
JD: we can't dance in the kitchen (again, a shake of the head as he walks back in the living room to watch TV)

This is the typical response I've gotten every time I asked that question, yet, for some reason it never stopped me from asking again. I can't tell you exactly how many times I've asked. If I had a dollar for every time...well...I probably wouldn't be rich, but I bet I could pay off my house and live the good life for a few years. Only a handful of times, has he indulged me, but even then the dance lasted for all of thirty seconds.

So...I've danced alone. Until now. Now, I have Jack, and Jack loves to dance. Even in the Kitchen. He'll dance to Kelly Clarkson or the Eagles. He doesn't care. He never looks at me like I'm crazy and when he laughs it's because, at that moment, he's the happiest little boy in the world. Now, you tell me, what's so crazy about that?

Lately we've started "dancing" right before he goes to bed. We'll stand next to his bed and he'll wrap his arms around my neck and put his head on my shoulder. And we sway...from side to side.

Jack: We dancin', Mommy?
Me: yeah, we're dancing Jack.
Jack: mmmmm....dancin'.

And so...we dance.

**********************************
Anyway.
TGIF, Bitches! Tonight this crazy mutha is finally going to get the chance to let her hair down. Yeah, there will be drinks involved. I'm not sure how many exactly... we'll just have to wait and see how I'm walking. This a big deal for me, because, I rarely go out. 99% of the time I am mom. An at home mom. Who has only the internet and her make believe friends to get her through the day. Anyway, tonight is my 1% and I'm taking it ALL baby. (that sounded nasty) Fuck it. See you Monday...

Half Nekkid Thursday - #30

2006-11-02T01:04:00.000-05:00

Wanna know why everyone's gettin' nekkid?? Click the link above and visit Osbasso to find out.

Now I do my Halloween theme... after it's all said and done. A day late and a dollar short. Yup. That's me. For those of you who have already been gawking at my little cleavage this won't be anything new. Well it's a little bit new, because I cut off my head. I'm not sure why I do that. It's not like you haven't seen my face before. Anyway.

Today we have

...number thirty in my half-nekkid journey ...don't stand so close to me...

Young teacher, the subject
Of schoolgirl fantasy
She wants him so badly
Knows what she wants to be
Inside her there's longing
This girl's an open page
Book marking - she's so close now
This girl is half his age

Did you get nekkid?

Way Back Wednesday - Dumb and Dumbest

2006-11-01T09:49:00.000-05:00

I love Wednesday! Time to play that game where The Kept Woman asks us to post embarrassing pictures of ourselves online for all the world to see.

This weeks theme is: I stuck pumpkins in my bra last week, surely you have a dumb picture to share too! This week's theme: the DUMBEST picture you own and are willing to post on the internet.

Okay. I can do this. To be honest, I don't think this is the dumbest picture I own. I'm sure I've already posted that one, but because this is a new Blogger Year for me I'm trying not to post any repeats (although I will be tomorrow). Here's me circa 1994...

Like I said, not the dumbest, but dumb nonetheless. Camping. In the Rain. (not to mention smoking in the rain) I'm not sure if you can see the huge puddle forming in the middle of our campsite, but trust me...a HUGE puddle was forming in the middle of our campsite. In fact, our sleeping bags could have easily been mistaken for waterbeds. You see the tarp over the tent and wood?? Yup. Cuz we were staying. Not packing up and heading home like the normal person might do in the middle of a flood, but standing our ground through hell...or high water. (I've just now figured out where that saying originated from...)

Did ya play?

**********************************************************

Blogger is still being a Bitch, so I'll try more Halloween pics later...

Happy Halloween Ya'll

2006-10-31T09:50:00.000-05:00

Just a little witch
on high
She'll tell you that
your love is nigh
Your fortune on Hallowe'en
when told
My secret will the witch unfold.
- from an early 19th Century Hallowe'en Postcard

I love Halloween. I do. I love to dress up. I'd do it every day if I wasn't afraid of being committed. It's great! It's play time. You get to pretend to be anyone you want to be. Plus...there's the candy...and well...where there is candy, there's bound to be chocolate! I don't think I need to reiterate how I feel about chocolate, do I? No I don't. There's only one thing I love more than just Halloween...Halloween and beer. Oh, yeah. Throw beer in the mix with the dressing up and pretending...the possiblities are endless...yeah, you know what I'm talking about.

I'll update later on today with Halloween pics....
**********************************************************
UPDATED

Not very original and actually a repeat of two years ago. I didn't have time to go look for a costume so I decided to be a horney...I mean...naughty little school girl again. Okay, so maybe not little...indulge me, will ya?

I was going to add a few more but Blogger is, once again, sucking ASS!!...maybe tomorrow..

Oh Monday Morning...

2006-10-30T09:04:00.000-05:00

you gave me no warning of what was to be...

Recently heard while on hold with my dentists office: "Our office staff is specially trained in scheduling convenient appointments..." Huh? Wonder how much fucking "special training" that took. Moving on.

Because I really have more to do today than I have to say, I'm digging back into the old journal archives for a peek inside my twisted soul. Enjoy.

October 30th, 1997

I've gotten so tired of hiding. Even more tired of trying to be nice. Sometimes I want to spit my anger out at the whole world. I wonder why it's always the worst parts of your life that you're not supposed to talk about. It seems to me that those are the parts that need to be talked about the most. Maybe it's because anything remotely unpleasant makes people uncomfortable- and god knows, no one want to feel uncomfortable. People want to feel good. They want to talk about the game, or the sale at Macy's or their brand new car, house, boat, etc... They want to talk about everything and anything that doesn't really matter. It makes me sick. Their indifference is like poison seeping into my soul. It's a sad, sad world where the only people who are willing to listen are the one's you have to pay. And, even then, there is a difference between listening and really hearing. You can never truly know what is going on with another person unless you ask. Really ask and then hear what the other person is telling. No one does that. I guess that's what makes life so lonely. Maybe that's why we have children.

***************************************************************

I know. So uplifting for Monday morning. Keep in mind, these are journal entries though, and very little writing ever occurred on the happy days. This was written after the suicide of someone who had so many years left to live. Someone who could have changed the world. I was angry. At everyone.

***************************************************************

What I'm currently working on:

Stuff Portrait Friday - three p's

2006-10-26T23:21:00.000-05:00

I'm on time today!!! It only took me all week to finally get on schedule, but the important thing is, I did it. Today we play SPF with Kristine over at Random and Odd. (a game where she asks us to post photos of our crap...I mean stuff) My cherry was popped last week and I'm coming back for more!! This week's assignment was also EASY,(thank dog!)so I didn't even hurt myself doing it. Hold on...here we go...

My Potholders:

Literally. Here are my pot holders. Fabulous, I know. Moving on..

My pumpkins:

Both of my pumpkins. :) The "punkin" and then the little pumpkin I purchased purely out of guilt over that fact that we didn't have a pumpkin. Shut up. That made sense to me.

Something pink:

My VS polka dotted pink pink top! Hey...it's something pink...in fact, I think it's the only thing pink I own. AND...because it's National Breast Cancer Awareness Month...you get a shot of my little lumpless rack too. It is lumpless, too. I checked. Did you??

Let me know if you played!

Half Nekkid Thursday - #29

2006-10-26T07:38:00.000-05:00

Wanna know why everyone's gettin' nekkid?? Click the link above and visit Osbasso to find out.

No halloween theme for me today. I have this problem with reading the assignment after I've already completed it. I'll have to work on that.

Thanks to everyone who liked my half ass. Blogger almost sabotaged my HNT today by not allowing me to upload any photos, but in the end I won. Today we have the top that went with last weeks bottom...

...number twenty nine in my half-nekkid journey ...my little rack...

*************************************************************

Some random thoughts:

Are we really no more than the sum of our parts?

As beautiful as autumn in New England is...it sucks me dry.

I see no cure for the long cold winter ahead...expect for maybe a really good prescription.

I wish my dreams weren't so vivid.

How does one go about attaining this thing called "will power"?

I haven't really changed all that much.

Anyway, Happy HNT!

Happy Blog-o-versary to me!

2006-10-24T13:09:00.000-05:00

Technically, my one year anniversary was on the 22nd but I forgot. Yup, I did. How weird. It's like forgetting your own birthday or something. What the hell is wrong with me?? I should of, like, had a party or something. Bought a cake. Gotten drunk. Invited all of my myspace friends over for a swanky soiree. There was even a new moon on that day! Damn!

Well in honor on my one year (forgotten) anniversary I thought I'd share a few things that you may not know about me. After all, we've been hanging out for a year now. It's probably time that you know...

I buy three dollar shirts...at Walmart. I do and I'm not ashamed. I literally wear a shirt for about 15 minutes before it's got 2 year old smear all over it, so it might as well be a three dollar shirt.

I don't really care that much about shoes. (ducking, so I don't get hit) I know most women are supposed to have some kind of love affair with shoes and own a zillion pairs of overly priced foot covers, but...I'm not one of those women.

I enjoy paying my car OFF and then driving it for years to come. I don't really get the urge to get something new. (something old maybe :)

I understand machines (computers, video games etc...)better than I do most people.

I think that machines also understand ME, better than most people. :)

I have the ability to become addicted to just about anything. Really. ANYTHING. (obsessive compulsive, maybe??) ;)

I'm a dreamer, and then I often squash my own dreams with the guilt-ridden, practical, left side of my brain.

I truly want nothing more than to be calm, happy, and content.

I feel blessed to have met some amazing blogger peeps during the past year and I love you all!! :)

Cheers!

It's a new day

2006-10-23T08:20:00.000-05:00

And for this new day we have some photos that were taken on a recent drive around our "hood". As much as I despise the cold, and the snow, and the dry air, and static electricity...I have to admit, we do live in one of the most beautiful areas.

We live in cranberry country. Literally. I live near Cranberry Rd and often get stuck in traffic on Cranberry Highway. I take classes at Cranberry Barn Studios and am looking into Cranberry Crossing Daycare. I can't go to Cranberry Dental, because they don't accept my insurance, but I'm really looking forward to checking out The Cranberry Book Barn. Should I go on? No? Okay. We're surrounded by cranberry bogs. I haven't counted them, but there's a real fucking lot. I missed most of the harvesting but managed to get this one at the end of our street.

This little guy was just hanging out in the middle of nowhere and scared the be-jezzus out of me. At first I thought he was a white wolf, though I think that was me wishing he was a white wolf.

I titled this one natures graveyard. It fits. Even ugly can be beautiful.

Another view of the same area.

One of the oldest churches in town. I've never set foot in it, and probably never will, but she is pretty to look at.

Blogger only lets me do five at a time and I'm too lazy to upload anymore right now. Time to "get my ass in gear", as my mom would say. It's not freezing today, so I think we may actually get outside to do some walking. I'm in serious need of some type of exercise to aid in fighting off this anxiety that it's slowly trying to take over my life again. Last night was a rough night, and I wanted nothing more than to just say "I'm scared" outloud for anyone to hear. But I didn't, because what would inevitably follow that statement would be the question "why?, what are you scared of?". And because I don't have an answer that would make sense to anyone who has never experienced this kind of anxiety, I don't say anything. It's become too much of an effort to try to explain, and my need to have someone understand isn't as great as it used to be.

Stuff Portrait Friday - first time showin' my stuff

2006-10-20T10:16:00.000-05:00

So, it's a little late. What else is new. Today I decided to play SPF with Kristine over at Random and Odd. (a game where she asked us to post photos of our crap) I'm a complete virgin and have been wanting to play for a while now. This week's assignment was EASY, which lately is all my overworked brain can handle. So here goes...

The Kitchen Sink:

With no dishes!!! I took this last night, though. Had I taken it during the day it would have filled with random sippy cups and elmo bowls. Seriously I do dishes by hand at least three times a day.

Something I need to fix:

This is our pellet stove. It's not the stove that needs fixing, but the sad tile underneath it. It was a do it yourselfer job, and as you can see, it needs to be done again. Besides the off center look, and loss of trim, the tiles are actually cracked underneath. Pretty!

Something I'm going to throw away after I take the picture:

I won't even tell you how many times I throw these away during the day, each time swearing that it will be my last. These little bastards make me fat and wired, so why do I love them so much?? I'll tell you why...ADDICTED. I swear those fuckers at starbucks put something in their coffee that makes you keep coming back for more. No more though, I swear. This is the last one...

PHEW!! I did it! That wasn't so bad. Now I'm off the dentist to get my temporary crown and have my mouth stretched and pulled and abused until it's beyond recognition. I know your jealous.

Did you play?

Half Nekkid Thursday - #28

2006-10-19T09:05:00.000-05:00

Wanna know why everyone's gettin' nekkid?? Click the link above and visit Osbasso to find out.

Apparently a few people thought my come back photo was a little tame. Thanks for the heads up. Really. What you might not be aware of is that I do this for me, not for you...so unfortunately you're stuck with whatever I decide is HNT worthy. Kind of gives me all the power...and well...I like that. So...in sticking, again, with the whole half theme, I present...

...number twenty eight in my half-nekkid journey ...half assed...

HHNT ya'll!

Monday, Monday

2006-10-16T19:31:00.000-05:00

Well. When I woke up this morning I had every intention of not slacking on my blogging duties. Honestly. But between blogger sucking ass and not letting me upload any pictures and a crazy 2 year old demanding every second of my attention...well...you know what happened. I slacked.

It's now Monday evening and I'm finally getting a few hours to myself. The house is quiet...the 2 year old is off to bed...the husband is in Chicago.

Me time.

So here we go, with a slightly random update of all things me and mine. I know a few posts ago I went on about how I did nothing over my "break". That wasn't completely true. I took my son to the eye doctors. (I know...wild and crazy). Anyway, he was diagnosed with Strabismus (Accommodative Esotropia), which in his case means that when he tries to focus to see clearly his right eye turns inward. Apparently it is a hereditary condition, but since neither my husband or I know of anyone that's had it, I'm guessing it may have come from my MIA father's side. If left untreated, his eye could become "lazy" and he could eventually stop using it altogether. For the time being we're trying to straighten his eyes with glasses (surgery is a last resort). You would think that making a two year old wear glasses would be quite a challenging task, but it's actually been easy. He pretty much took to them right away and wears them the majority of each day with a few breaks in between. I took him for his second appt. today and they appear to helping, so yay!! Here's my little guy with his new big boy look.

People are always asking me how old he is. That's what mom's do I guess. You meet someone and their child at the park...what's the first thing you ask? "How old is he/she?". I think it's because we're secretly comparing our child to theirs...but sshhhh!!!...don't tell anyone...no mother would admit to it anyway. Okay, sorry..back on track...when I tell them he's two, I always get the EXACT SAME ANSWER. "WOW...he's big for two". He is, I guess. Kind of...but not freakishly big or anything. Not big enough to warrant a WOW. At least I don't think so. But now, with his glasses, I've had two people tell me they thought he was four. Yikes! (yeah...I do realize I just said yikes)

Moving on. I don't think we've managed to plant the seed this month either. Driving home from Jack's appt. I started to think about the whole hereditary thing and what else he could inherit from us and I lost it. I wasn't just crying, but bawling, while I was driving, with my son in the car. Yeah. Luckily we weren't too far from home, but I did have to stop at the post office and smile through my red blotchy face, like I wasn't a complete crazy person. I think what got me, was thinking about the anxiety...and then thinking of my son having to feel that kind of fear...it was too much. Normally my train of thought doesn't head off in that direction. Wait. Who am I kidding? My train of thought lives off in that direction, but normally I don't break down crying about out in the car. So why today? PMS. That's what I'm thinking. So, therefore, no planted seed. That's my theory anyway.

Last weekend, the little man and I hopped in the car and went on a picture taking extravaganza. Blogger is being a bitch once more and isn't letting me add them so I'll post a few later in the week.

Time to go back to work. :)

That's my boy...

2006-10-10T06:28:00.000-05:00

Conversation I had with Jack yesterday while sitting in the sandbox. (seriously, I was sitting in the sandbox)

Me: are you almost ready to go in and have some lunch?

Jack: no lunch.

Me: no lunch??? you mean you don't want macaroni?

Jack: no croni.

ME: how about a drink?

Jack: no drink.

Me: Don't you want to go in and see the doggie?

Jack: no doggie.

Me: hmmm, no doggie! Okay, how about Disney? do you want to go see mickey mouse?

Jack: (thinks for a minute) no, mouse.

Me: what about daddy? do you want to go see daddy?

Jack: no daddy.

Me: How about grandma?

Jack: where grandma be?

Me: grandma went home, she's in Las Vegas.

Jack: Bos Begas?

Me: yeah...do you want to go to Las Vegas?

Jack: (jumps to his feet) YEAH!!!

See?? Parenting is easy. You just have to know what the kid wants.

BTW...the dog puke incident was not mentioned at all later that day. I know, he knows that I know. For me, that's enough.

In other news, there isn't much other news. Still no preggers. I wouldn't say we're trying as hard as we could be, although we are nailing it (no pun intended) at the right time each month, so we'll see. I think, in my tiny brain, I've pretty much decided to give it until the end of Jan. If nothing happens...I'm more than happy with the one little man I have. I'll be even happier when I can have my little pink pills back.

Jack's Daddy will soon be heading off to Chicago. AGAIN. Am I jealous that he gets to fly away all the time? Yes. He says he doesn't want to go, so I said "hey...you stay. I'll go." Not happening. Something about me not working for the company and...I don't know...I wasn't really paying attention.

I'm trying really hard...I mean really, really hard...to stay away from sugar. But, even as I sit here typing I can hear it calling me...

Buy me...

2006-10-09T14:47:00.000-05:00

this

I want it.

Oh NO he didn't..

2006-10-06T08:26:00.000-05:00

Yeah, he did.

I was going to play SPF with Kristine over at Random and ODD, today, but it ended up being one of those weeks when thinking just wasn't an option for me. So..maybe next Friday.

Today I want to talk about something else. Marriage. Or specifically marriage after kids. Not all aspects...Lord knows there's not enough time for that. Just one aspect.

The definition of marriage after kids: seeing who can get away with doing the least amount of shit at any given time.I lose. I always fucking lose.

Case in point:

It's morning. EARLY fucking morning...like around 4am...and I hear it. I know HE hears it to. I can't even think of how to describe it but if you have a dog or a cat you know it's unmistakable. That dry heaving, wrecking sound they make when they're about to puke... and then...that wet throat noise they make when they do...and silence. Shit...the dog fucking puked, I think. It's fucking 4am, I didn't get to bed until 1am...I am NOT getting up right now to pick up puke. Besides... I came home last night after my art class and volunteered to finish up the laundry AND I picked up his puke last time. HE can do it this time. Yeah, that's what I thought and I rolled back over and went back to sleep. Leaving the puke and the dog to be dealt with in the morning, when HE got up. Certain that I have the edge this time, because HE gets up before me. Ha!

Now, what I'm sure of is that HE was also laying there thinking, "It's too early. I'm not getting up to pick up puke right now... SHE always picks up the puke. And besides, I'm the one who has to go to work today and then take half the day off to play softball"...and he rolls over and goes to sleep.

Fast forward to about 6:30am and I feel someone leaning over the bed trying to rip me away from the kick ass dream I was having. I open my eyes, barely, just enough to see who could possible have the balls to do this...and it's HIM. "I'm leaving...have a nice day...kiss." he says. (well he didn't say kiss, but whatever) Okay, bye. And I roll over in an attempt to recover my dream.

Fast forward again to about 7:30am and I hear Jack starting to wake up...Mommy, where are you?....shit. Okay, so I get up and pee cuz that's priority around here...I walk out into the bedroom and...FUCK! Son of a Bitch. The Puke. Still sitting there, now kind of starting to dry up. That asshole just left it there! There's no way he didn't see it.What kind of excuse could HE possible have for not cleaning this up.

Then, it dawns on me. HE doesn't know that I heard the puke incident when it happened. HE is planning on telling me that it wasn't there...that the dog must have puked after he left...hence leaving me to clean it up. And SLAM!...I lose. Pisses. Me. Off.

Now, granted this a silly, almost comical little incident, but this is the way of it on a pretty regular basis. If you rewound this incident to three years ago (before the long and painful birth of my son) I would have jumped out of bed, let the dog out and quickly cleaned up the mess. But that was before I was given the almost sole responsibility of child rearing. I say almost because the one thing I don't do is earn the living. My measly earnings pay for...maybe food..that's it. I would gladly go out and bring home the bacon if we hadn't put ourselves in such a situation where no amount of bacon I can bring home would ever cover the mountain of expenses that we seem to enjoy creating.

Now I know some of you are thinking...yeah, but you get to (GET TO??)stay home with your son...suck it up...do the laundry...pick up the puke. I'm also guessing that those of you who are thinking that have never had the opportunity of getting to stay home with your kids.

Here's what I vote for as a mandatory life lesson, required by each and every adult in order to be able to pursue their life long dreams...each person...male or female...Whether they want kids or not...should be required to spend 4 weeks (that's all...just four weeks) at home...in anyone's home... with a child. Week one they will spend with a totally dependent screaming infant who eats every two hours around the clock... week two they will spend with a one year old who has just learned to walk, is cutting teeth and into everything that is not nailed down... week 3 will spent with a two year old who's latest passion is throwing his or herself on the ground and screaming for 12 hours out of a 24 hour day... and lastly week three will be spent with a three year old who's grasp of English language causes him or her to talk nonstop for 12 hours out of 24 hour a day, with 1678 of those words being why and 2067 of those words being no. Then...and only then...can we sit and talk about what I get to do.

Now, don't get me wrong, I realize the benefits of spending all of this time with my child. I don't need anyone to tell me what they are. My issue is not with my son. I love him more than my own life...but this here, that I get to do...is a JOB... unlike any other.

Wow. I feel a little better now. There's more where that came from, I'm sure, but I'll save it for a later date. So, what's my point, you ask??? I just wish, that once in a while, like ...maybe every other time...someone else would pick up the fucking puke.

But, what is it that they say about wishes?? Wish in one hand, piss in the other...see which one fills up faster. (revised, because I totally fucked it up the first time).

It's Friday people...Cheers!

Half Nekkid Thursday - #27

2006-10-05T01:01:00.000-05:00

Why is everyone gettin' nekkid?? Click the link above and visit Osbasso to find out.

Damn. I feel like a newbie again. It's been about 5 weeks or so since I last bared it and shared it. I considered just diving right in but decided to save some for later. So, this week I give you...

...number twenty seven in my half-nekkid journey ...testing the waters...

Let me know if you got nekkid!

Way Back Wednesday - Show me your ride

2006-10-04T01:58:00.000-05:00

It's been a while but I'm glad to be back. And it's Wednesday, which means...time to play that game where The Kept Woman asks us to post embarrassing pictures of ourselves online for all the world to see.

This weeks theme is: I like your wheels man. We've seen the technology of the past, now how about some cars. Can't think of one? Look in other pictures to see if there's a car in the background.

And here we have it...vintage style. This was the only picture I could find and I know you can't see the whole car but, trust me on this...you don't want to. This was my first car...a 1978 Mercury Zephyr. Yeah...you heard me. Rust colored and everything. My parents paid a whopping $400 bucks for this baby when I was 16. Yeah, it had a few dents and huge hole in the front seat, but it got me from A to B, and that's all I cared about. I did have to crawl in through the passenger side and pump the breaks, (remember that? pumping the breaks..ha) but I had my ride, complete with a beanbag ashtray and foam seatcover. Yup. You can see from my face I was pretty happy. This ugly little piece of shit meant freedom. FREE. DOM. It also meant I would wind up in places I wasn't supposed to be and end up doing things I wasn't supposed to do. Good times.

oh..and I've just decided Jack's not getting a car until he's 21. Let me know if you played!

Long ago and far away...

2006-10-03T09:19:00.000-05:00

So, a while ago, while I was busy doing nothing, I came across a bunch of old journals that I kept at various points in my life. In a half assed attempt to actually learn from the past I started reading through them to see where I've changed and were I haven't. I thought it would be interesting to post some entries here, every so often, on the actual day they were written...so many years ago. Well okay, in this case only two years ago.

So here we go...

Oct 2, 2004

The pictures came today. I'd been waiting for them for twenty-five years. At first I was afraid to even look. They're just pictures, Hope. No. You don't understand. They're more than photographs. They're pieces of my life. A life that no one wants me to remember...a life that I can never forget. I feel like I should hide them away. Somewhere secret, where no one can find them and take them away, like all of the other pieces. It is so important for me to have something tangible, something real to hold on to. Proof I guess, that I existed...that she existed.

I waited to open them. Waited until all laundry was done. Waited until the baby was fed and put down for a nap. Waited until Jason was busy playing his game. Once everything was done, I grabbed my beer and the large mailer envelope and went out onto the porch. And I opened them, with my heart was beating out of my chest and my hands shaking.

After I had looked at them, for what had to be at least an hour, I realized what I had hoped would happen didn't. The void that I had expected them to fill, was not only still there, but now even larger than before. These photographs didn't answer my questions, they created more...and it is so frustrating to long for something you will never have. Along with more questions, they've also aroused suspicion, and feelings of betrayal. Who is this man? And why do I have his eyes?

Okay. Back to 2006. The pictures were of my childhood prior to age seven, when I was taken away. They were sent to me from my Aunt in Florida after my son was born. I still don't know for sure who the man is. No one else seems to know...anyone that would has died. I've been told two different versions of the circumstances surrounding my birth. 1. My father knew nothing about me...didn't even know my mother was pregnant. 2. My father knew but wanted nothing to do with it and split prior to my birth. In each case, he wouldn't have been around, yet here is this man..holding me outside...helping me open Christmas presents...posing for a picture on valentines day...this man with eyes like mine.

Does is really matter who he is, at this point in the game? Probably not. But it did matter two years ago. It was right after my son was born and I was so filled with love for him, that no matter how I tried I couldn't even imagine a parent being able to walk out of their child's life. Even early on. I couldn't imagine a parent not loving their child. Some time has passed and the need for the truth is slowing passing as well. Not that I wouldn't welcome it. I'm just not sure I have enough energy left to go searching for it.

Slow and steady...

2006-10-02T06:22:00.000-05:00

...I'm finding my way back home.

After almost two months, I've finally managed to find my way back. Blogging was starting to take up too much of my time, and honestly, I needed the break. But, because I've pretty much proven that I'm not good at quitting anything, here I am again. As time consuming as it is, it had also become a bit like self-therapy...and well...we all know I need therapy. Plus I missed all my blogger buddies, and can't wait to start reading all about their adventures in this mess we call life.

So diving right in...

What I did on my summer vacation by Hope

1. Nothing.

Wow, that was a lot shorter than I'd thought it would be, but amazingly accurate. I didn't get pregnant, I didn't go back on my wonder drug, I didn't lose my mind completly while my mother was visiting, I didn't lose enough weight to be able to fit into my old jeans, I didn't move to a warmer climate, I didn't really make enough money, I didn't really work all that much, I didn't finish the five paintings I started, I didn't harvest any vegatables from all the plants I attempted to grow, I didn't spend a week at the beach, I didn't get to Martha's Vineyard, I didn't go through all that shit in the basement, I didn't stop eating sugar, I didn't stay away from caffeine, I didn't get to see the people I wanted to see, I didn't say what I wanted to say when I needed to say it, I didn't say what I needed to say when I wanted to say it, and last... but not least, by any means, I didn't kill anyone.

So, there you have it. Now, I know what your saying...Hope, Hope, Hope...why focus on all you didn't do?? Why not focus on the positive...what you DID do! Well...because I didn't do ANYTHING...and also...I tend to be somewhat negative in my natural state. It's part of my charm.

Good to be back, people. :)

Closing Time...

2006-08-08T15:36:00.000-05:00

One last call for alcohol so finish your wiskey or beer.

I'm feeling a little overwhelmed by life at the moment, so I need to elminate some things from my to do lists. Sadly, (or not) this is one of them. It's not goodbye forever, but I'll be taking a break. A rather long break.

I'm sure I'll still pop in to read up on some of my favorite bloggers though, as I've become somewhat of an addict where that is concerned.

Until we meet again...

Half - Nekkid Thursday - #26

2006-08-03T07:20:00.000-05:00

What is Half-Nekkid Thursday?? Click the link above and visit Osbasso to find out.

We've been dealing with a heat wave over the past few days which has made this week longer than it really needed to be. I know it's only Thursday, but I'm gonna pretend it's Friday...

...So here you have number twenty six in my half-nekkid journey ...Happy Hour...

Way Back Wednesday - Dorks R US

2006-08-02T09:33:00.000-05:00

Way Back Wednesday people...time to play that game where The Kept Woman asks us to post embarrassing pictures of ourselves online for all the world to see.

This weeks theme is: Hope (yeah..me) thinks we should share some cheesy photo booth shots...heads cuts off, making silly faces, picking your nose, picking your friend's nose, mooning, what went on in that booth?

Well. I threw all ones away where I was picking my nose and showing my ass, so this is what I have left. They're all of my cousin L and me. Three consecutive years of our summer vacations at Hampton Beach.

I think this was the summer before (my) sophomore year. The summer of the aqua net poof, t-shirts with rolled up sleeves and big hoop earrings.

...and the summer after that. The summer of more poof (and little bangs), with the help of the ever famous perm. Also the summer of wearing layered tanktops and bright fluorescent shorts.

...and the summer after that. Still have the perm, but lost the poof. This was the summer of keeping your bangs curly, letting them grow out and fall over one eye. For me it was also the summer of..."what the fuck am I go to do with the rest of my life."

You can see the same, throw my head back so you can look up my nose pose, in all of these pics, for one main reason. It's sexy.

Many thanks to TKW, for using my suggestion and giving me the chance to show you all what a dork I really am.

Friday's Update...

2006-07-28T15:09:00.000-05:00

It's been a long week of neglecting my blog once again. First up...yes, Destiny was found. Dead. In her neighbors basement. You can read the story here.May that fucker burn in hell.

My heart goes out to her family. I can't even imagine how someone goes about dealing with type of loss. I can't even imagine. So what can we learn from this? That you can't trust anyone? Maybe. That your neighbors could very well be sick and twisted fucks. Perhaps.

I know for a fact that my son will not be playing outside alone at age five. Maybe not even at age twelve for that matter. I don't care what anyone thinks about my parenting. The next time I hear someone tell me I'm being overprotective, instead of becoming defensive and pissed, I will simply smile and say "thank you". My job, above all else, is to protect my child to the best of my ability, because shit like this DOES happen. Every. Day. It's my job to drill it into him that he never, NEVER is allowed to go into someone's house, or car without my permission. That although the world is filled with wonderful, loving and amazing people, there are also some people that are none of those things. Hopefully he will hear me. Hopefully he will believe me.

Next up...it's been a tough week. Every day I have considered giving up on having another baby...just so I can go back on my little pink pills. I think I actually feel worse now that I had a taste of what feeling "good" was like. I'm starting to believe that the "anxiety" wasn't the only problem to start with. That maybe it was more than that, and the anxiety was just a symptom. I don't know. I'm no shrink, although with the amount of self-help books I've read I probably could be. When I first went off I thought maybe I could "remember", so to speak, how to feel that way again. How to think differently. How to cope. That maybe... just maybe, it could be partly behavioral and that if the medication helped me to change my behavior or thought process that I would "remember" how to do it myself when I went off. Yeah. And no. It wasn't. And I can't. And here is where I start to feel helpless.

For now, I'm going to stay the course.

TGIF and then some...

2006-07-21T00:20:00.000-05:00

First off, this is important. There is a 10 year old girl missing from Utah since July 16th. Her name is Destiny and she could be anywhere by now.

Please take a look at her video and photo

It only take two seconds to take a look. If it were my child I would want to know as many people as possible were searching for her. Wouldn't you?

*******************************************

Moving on. My son likes to read (look at the pictures) while I change his diaper. Today I hand him a book that has a torn page and proceed to start changing him.

Jack: Mommy, book fucken...

Me: WHAT??

Jack: frucken

Me: Honey, what are saying? (Please god, don't let him be saying what I think he's saying.)

Jack: Book Froken

Me: Froken...the books froken? Ahh..BROKEN!! Yes, the book is broken. (Thank you god)

Happy Friday to everyone! Eat, Drink and have lots and lots of hot steamy sex...

Half-Nekkid Thursday - #25

2006-07-20T00:45:00.000-05:00

What is Half-Nekkid Thursday?? Click the link above and visit Osbasso to find out...then get Nekkid!

Another straight from the "not good enough" archives.

Number twenty five will simply be known as ...Blue...

Let me know if you got nekkid!

Way Back Wednesday - Inside my crib...

2006-07-19T08:46:00.000-05:00

Way Back Wednesday people...time to play that game where The Kept Woman asks us to post embarrassing pictures of ourselves online for all the world to see.

This weeks theme is a two parter. I didn't play the first part (no pics) but I'm playing the second: Part II of the two week themed extravaganza! As my kids will be moving into the house that they will "grow up" in I want to see the house you consider your primary home growing up...July 19...Inside the house

I only had a few pics of the inside. This is the house I lived in the longest...from 7th grade to my senior year in high school. I always considered it "home" for this reason only.

This was my room. No comments on the rat's nest hair. I was sick and probably hadn't washed it in a couple days. As you can see the aqua net held up well. Okay. Moving on. The bed, check out the bed. HARD. CORE. hehe. The main reason I showed this photo was to show who I had hanging on my walls. I totally forgot about these. The two hotties (no doubt, torn out of teen beat or something) are, to your left, Bruce Willis, during his Moonlighting days (or nights). Bruce Wilis, I tell you, on my WALLS. WTF. And to your right, Jack Wagner, who payed Frisco on GH during that time. I LOVED him. Even had his first album. Awful stuff, really, but to this day I will listen to him every now and then when I want to feel like that girl again. OH...and that's my best puppy of all time, Nikki.

Next is our Kitchen. That's my aunt and cousin, I suprised the shit out of. Look at the wallpaper...and the cabinets...and OMG the formica, lemon yellow counter and backsplash. What you can't see is the gold stove and green fridge. That's hot. What I find extremely weird is that we moved in and just lived with this kitchen for seven odd years. Just lived with it. My parents had no desire to rip it out and renovate. Jack's Daddy and I thrive on ripping our houses apart. We've only lived in one house, where haven't done that, and that was only because it was new to start with and we only lived there a year.

Another kitchen pic, only because you had to see this clock. Is that a beauty or what? I think my mother still has it (hidden away, thank dog). And what is that gigantic black contraption my cat is chillin' on? Our microwave. Again, HARD. CORE. The cat was Sunni. (This was the 80's remember. All names that normally ended in a y, now ended in i.)

That's all folks. Did you play?

Bud...Weis...ERRR

2006-07-16T20:52:00.000-05:00

Frogs?? Or Toads?? How do you tell the differece. (I apologize in advance to all the frogs and toads I'm offending by even asking such a question.)

The other night I was up at 2am working on a doll, and this is what I see the outside of my sunroom slider....

WTF. I've never seen this before in my life. These things were no longer than an inch, and suctioned to my glass. This photo is only a small section. There were like 40 of them. Yes, I counted. In letting my dog out for his last pee, I apparently let a few in the house and woke up to this the following day...

ICK. That's a frog/toad corpse on my dry mop. It was all dryed up and crunchy. Again...ICK. I'm not sure why it died. Maybe just being in the house, or maybe it needed to be in water???? I don't know. It was all very weird and I actually took the picture so that I would have proof the next day, that I hadn't lost my mind. Yeah...a small part of me thought it could be possible that the mininature frog army was all in my head. It wasn't. But even if it had been you can be sure that I still would have shared it with you.

New baby...

2006-07-16T20:43:00.000-05:00

Here I go again. Baby Lily. I love that name. I'm using it if I ever end up having a girl. Visit my eBay store , and take a look at my latest work of art below. I think she's my favorite so far, but I'll probably think that of the next one too.

Half Nekkid Thursday - #24

2006-07-12T22:24:00.000-05:00

What is Half-Nekkid Thursday?? Click the link above and visit Osbasso to find out...then get Nekkid!

I was looking through some photos on a CD and hit the half nekkid jackpot, baby! I found a bunch of HNT photos I never posted. I'm not sure why I never posted them. Maybe at the time I didn't think they were good enough. Lucky for me, after 23 half-nekkid photos, I no longer care if they're good enough, or not. I guess my journey has been leading me somewhere afterall.

Number twenty four I will call ...Crazy Beautiful (cuz I loved the movie)

Did you get nekkid?

The history of women and the smoke...

2006-07-12T15:02:00.000-05:00

I saw this at an antique store recently, and being a former smoker, I thought it was hilarious and had to buy it. A little history lesson for you ladies and gentlemen. It makes me wonder which adds we are reading in magazines today, that are so completely, utterly, WRONG. Enjoy!

(if you can't read it, click on the pic for a larger version)

Off my meds...off my rocker

2006-07-11T10:32:00.000-05:00

Okay. I'm officially off my wonder drug. The tiny pink anti-poopiness pill. Gone are the smooth level days that I'd come to rely on over the past few months. I'm back. Stone cold sober as a matter of fact. Well maybe it's not that bad. No, wait, it is. I'm up, I'm down. My anxiety level isn't too bad right now but give it some time and I will once again start feeling my heart beat out of my chest for absolutely no fucking reason. I hate it.

Before I started taking the medication I hated the fact that there was a chance that I even needed to take it. I worried about the long term effects it would have. I felt a weird kind of shame and embarrassment that I couldn't be normal like everyone else. HA! I felt weak. BUT, after my first couple of days I felt none of that anymore. I just felt GOOD. CALM. LEVEL. CLEAR. I have never in my life felt those things all at one time before. I didn't know what it was like to sit down at the end of the day and not feel my heart racing. It became very clear to me that I would rather live another 10 years feeling good, than live another 40 feeling the way I have felt for most of my life. I guess this is what they mean by quality of life.

The answers to why this is, are still out of my reach. A chemical imbalance? Years of practice? Does it stem from my early years with an alcoholic mother? Or my later years with a controlling, overbearing, manipulative mother? (and yeah I have a father, but for some reason he doesn't fit into my mental stability one way or the other..hehe) Would therapy work? Maybe. But who has years to invest in the process of dredging up all the events of your life that you've worked so hard to try to forget? Really? Who the fuck wants to do that, when you can take a tiny pink pill and smooth it all over? Go ahead. Judge me. I dare you.

Okay, then. So, if it worked so well, why the hell did I go off, you ask? Well, maybe you didn't ask, but I'll tell you anyway. We are officially trying for baby number two. Before you start on about how a crazy person like me shouldn't be having another baby, let me just say this. Crazy, anxiety-ridden people are totally allowed to have babies! So there. Anyway, after speaking with my PCP and my OBGYN and doing some research on my own, I discovered that at the very least my baby would end up going through withdrawals after being born. Worst case scenario, severe birth defects. So there you have it. That's why I am going through withdrawals now and hating every fucking minute of it. I'll survive, though, because that's what I do. I just won't be happy doing it.

The good news is that once I get pregnant all should be well with the world again. The pregnancy hormones are like medicine to me, so I really need to get busy, if you know what I mean. The bad news...I have an increased chance of PPD after delivery, so as soon as the baby is born I will back to popping that tiny pink pill again.

The End.

I really hate it when....

2006-07-10T10:18:00.000-05:00

people say they're going to do something and then don't

my body goes through withdrawals from a prescription medication

my tampon leaks

the weather report says it's sunny and it's fucking not

stupid people ask me stupid questions

guys pretend to be your friend in hopes of getting to fuck you at some point

people lie to me, either out right or by omission

I have to contend with assholes in my life

people judge me because I did not breast feed, WTF?

I stub my toe on the corner of the damn table

naptime doesn't last at least two hours

I have a bad dream

I toss and turn and can't sleep

my Benadryl doesn't work

my dog pukes on the rug

the bananas turn black in just two days!

the trash guy comes before I get a chance to empty the diaper champ

I forget to get razor blades at the store for the second time!

I let what other people think affect what I do or don't do

I allow history to repeat itself

Don't you?

Check it out...

2006-07-09T15:05:00.000-05:00

This is where I shamelessly beg you all to click here , and take a look at my latest work of art below. Feel free to bid big, too. I'm not above taking money from any of you. Really, I'm not.

Seriously though, I know many of you are registered with eBay. If you're not in a position to purchase you can still WATCH little Liam. The more watchers I get the greater my chances are of appearing on Pulse. Come on...help a sistah out...will ya?

Half - Nekkid Thursday #23

2006-07-06T13:05:00.000-05:00

What is Half-Nekkid Thursday?? Click the link above and visit Osbasso to find out.

Number twenty three along the Nekkid Road to nowhere....View from down here...

Check out my baby in the previous post and let me know what you think.

HHNT to all! Did you get Nekkid?

Just a few things...

2006-07-05T12:06:00.000-05:00

Over the past few weeks I've come to the conclusion that summer and blogger don't mix very well. At least not for me. Or maybe it's just that I'm not that dedicated. Somehow, that can't be a bad thing. So what does that mean? Will I be taking the summer off? No. Actually it doesn't really mean anything except that if you haven't seen a post in a while you can be sure that I'm off doing something summery and fun. Weather is great! Wish you were here! Right.

I just realized I need one of those hard scrubby things for the heals of my feet. I've never needed one of those before. My feet have always been pretty soft and smooth and girly. Does this mean I'm getting old? Nah....

I had decided a while back to do my best to stay out of the sun. You know to prevent premature aging, skin cancer and all that shit. Well. I changed my mind and I'm on my way to having a really nice tan. :) The sun makes me happy damn it. And I'd rather be happy and tan now, than be young looking, miserable and live forever. Ptthhh!

I'm just typing random shit as it comes to me...if you couldn't tell. We've been spending a lot of money. On what? Whatever. So...

And it's time to get busy! Mama gotta make some money! Here is what I've spent the last few day's working on. A new baby doll. I started using some new paints that I LOVE, and this was my first attempt at realism with them. She's a little more pink than I had intended, but I was going for that "fresh out of the oven look". She's got a super ruddy complexion, light veining under the skin and even some scattered milia. She's not finished but what do ya think so far?

A little late but...

2006-06-28T13:20:00.000-05:00

I'm taking the week off.

I think.

What I learned on my vacation....

2006-06-23T08:45:00.000-05:00

by Hope.

I told you I would share. This is me sharing.

...well they do!

some actual poop here, folks.

???...this was hanging in the restroom.

Haven't you always wanted to know?...then read on.

Pretty fascinating stuff here.

With potty training just around the corner, I'm pretty sure poop will remain a topic of conversation in my future posts.

Happy Friday...shit it's starting to rain....

Half Nekkid Thursday - #22

2006-06-22T07:35:00.000-05:00

What is Half-Nekkid Thursday?? Click the link above and visit Osbasso to find out.

I didn't play last week ,and now suddenly I feel the new girl in school. Weird. I don't read directions so if there was a theme or something this week, I'm so not doing it.

Okay, number twenty-two in this crazy ass thing I do, just so I can say I do a crazy ass thing....Twisted like me...

HHNT y'all! Did you get Nekkid?

WBW - Summer, summer, summer...time!

2006-06-21T09:17:00.000-05:00

Way Back Wednesday people...time to play that game where The Kept Woman asks us to post embarrassing pictures of ourselves online for all the world to see. I feel like a newbee, it's been so long since I've played.

This weeks theme is:
Happy Summer Solstice!! To celebrate the first official day of summer let's see some summery things...bathing suits, beaches, BBQs, water balloon fights, wet t-shirt contests...you name it!

This one goes way, way back. I'm guessing I was about four or five here. I believe it was taken 'Up to Camp', as the phrase went. My memory is not what it used to be, so where 'Up to Camp' was exactly is a bit unclear. I think it was a summer place one of my Great Aunts had on a lake. What I do remember is being on this boat. I think I must have liked it, and I've actually had a few dreams about it. Everytime I see, what would now be considered a "Vintage" looking motor boat, I have this crazy urge to buy it.

And that, to me, is Summer Time. Did you play?

Hello? Is anyone there?

2006-06-20T13:09:00.000-05:00

Hello????

Ah..well. Regardless, I'm back. I just kind of dropped off the face of the blog...I mean the earth for a little while. Another much needed vacation from cyberspace and vinyl doll parts. We didn't actually take a REAL vacation. You know, the kind where you buy a plane ticket and fly to a completely different state with completely different stuff. We just kind of hung out here and took day trips to all the toddler friendly establishments that the beautiful and overpriced south shore has to offer.

Like the Zoo, where we got to feed the llamas (is that spelled right?)

And the little Zooquarium , where we saw more random farm animals, but most importantly fish!!

We also celebrated Baby Jack's Second Birthday over my Hiatus. I know, I know, Birthday number two and this is the first you're hearing of it. I'm a sucky ass blogger mommy. What can I say?

And last but not least, we spent A Day out with Thomas (or Toemash) The Train at Edaville Railroad!

You're jealous aren't you? Yeah, I KNOW you are.

I'll share more about all the exciting things we learned later. For now, it's time to share a little language update.

Now that my baby is a BIG BOY, his vocabulary has expanded quite a bit. Some of our new favorites...

Duh-you-you - W (occasionally comes out duh-you-you-you-you...he just can't stop)
Eck - X

Peek Poo Poo, I see you - I bet you can guess this one

Thomas - Toemash

Yucky, ENUP! - Lucky, ENOUGH! (what I say to the red dog when I've had enough of his barking)

Mmwhaa, KISH - Umm...Mmwhaa, KISS

Fesh Fie - French Frie

Mommy, yook!..ooo dat?- Mommy, Look! who's that?

...just a few.

The cuteness kills me.

Half-Nekkid Thursday #21

2006-06-01T12:22:00.000-05:00

What is Half-Nekkid Thursday?? Click the link above and visit Osbasso to find out.

Twenty one weeks of half-nekkidness! Whew...where does the time go? Maybe it's hanging out somewhere with my breasts.

The one and only drawback to losing weight...I will inevitably lose whatever boob I have (not that it was much, mind you). There is no getting around it. So this week, I propose a toast...to losing my boobs! I'm trying the whole "accept the things I can not change" approach. So here we have...

#20 in my half-nekkid journey....Small Packages in Aqua...

My foot, btw, is swollen, not yet bruised, and painful. I considered showing my laceration for today's pic but decided some tiny cleavage was a bit more cheerful for HNT. I'll save my scars and wounds for another day. Happy HNT all!

Way Back Wednesday - Grads of the Past

2006-05-31T09:30:00.000-05:00

Way Back Wednesday people...time to play that game where The Kept Woman asks us to post embarrassing pictures of ourselves online for all the world to see.

This weeks theme is:
Graduation Day! All the partying! All the boy/girl watching! Oh, and some of that 'studying' too! It's all paid off for graduation day! Let's see you proud grads of the past...

This beauty goes back 16 years. Holy. Mutha. How is possible that I came to be this old? Anyway. Since I never graduated college (because I could never decide what I wanted to be when I grew up), we've traveled all the way back to High School Graduation.

That's me. The blondie on the left. One the right, was my best friend R, whom I still love with all of my heart. :) We don't see each other often anymore, and sometimes go for years without talking, BUT each time we do talk, it's as if no time has past, and we are still those same two girls in the picture. We KNOW each other, you know?

I think I'll call her tomorrow. I miss her.

Hello? 911 emergency, how can I help you?

2006-05-30T22:12:00.000-05:00

"uhhh...yeah, hi. I just got stabbed. I think I might need some help."

Clue #1 - The Weapon

Clue #2 - The Crime Scene

Clue #3 - The Victim

Rewind to last week. What happened last week you say? Last week I bought myself some new kick ass Cuisinart knives that I had been needing for, oh, about 7 years. Just one of those things I never thought of getting while I was out. But last week I saw them and knew I had to have them. I took them out of the box and washed them immediately when I got home, then grabbed a juicy tomato to try them out....smmmmoooooth...like butter. I tell you, NOTHING cuts better than these knives.

Fast forward to this evening approximately 5pm. There I am. Standing at the island, pork loin almost ready to go in the oven, just waiting for some fresh apples. I start to cut the apples. Slice, slice, slice, slice, slice....done. Next apple...reach...bump...oops...the knife! Falling, falling, falling...and it lands. Right. In. My. Fucking. Foot. Then bounces back out. BLOOD. EVERYWHERE. It is literally squirting out of the top of my foot.

My first thought? Oh, SHIT! Second thought. Why can't I stop this bleeding? My third thought. Oh this is fucking great. Here I am worried I'll die a plane crash or of cancer, and this is how I'm gonna fucking go! By stabbing myself in the fucking foot!My fourth thought. OOOH, something to blog about.

What do I do? Call Jack's Daddy? No, he's an hour away, what the hell can he do? Okay. Get my neighbors to help me. Ummmm. Well I can't take my hand off my foot, because it's the only thing stopping my blood from squirting across the room. And because I can't take my hand off my foot... I can't walk...and it's too far to scoot on my bum. Hmmm...okay. This is a lot of blood. I think I may need to go to the Emergency Room. How do I get Jack in the car? How do I drive? That damn hand holding my foot thing again. Okay, I know! and I grab my cell and call 911.

Yup. Sure did. My first time ever. I'm no longer a virgin. My 911 cherry was popped tonight ladies and gentlemen and all in all it was a rather pleasant experience. Well, all except for the blood and the pain. Everyone was very nice and seemed to be laughing with me, rather than at me. At the ER the doctor called my unlucky rather than a stupid fuck. I appreciated that. I really did. Once all was said and done, they cleaned my wound, closed my wound, bandaged my wound, gave me a shot and sent me on my merry way. The end.

In hindsight, the 911 call may have been a little overkill, but hey, it's not everyday I see blood squirting out of my foot. Plus I had an almost two year old to consider, should I, I don't know, pass out or something. (Who, btw, did not see any of squirting business as I was on the other side of the island, and who had a really fun time chatting with the EMT's and Police Officer who came to the house. (All of whom were very hot, I might add) Can I do quotes inside quotes??)

Anyway, lots of fun and excitement as usual. I've said it before. I like to live on the edge.

Holiday pictures coming soon...

Half - Nekkid Thursday - #20

2006-05-25T07:15:00.000-05:00

What is Half-Nekkid Thursday?? Click the link above and visit Osbasso to find out.

#20 in my half-nekkid journey....Beach Bound...

Don't you just love my brand new f-ing HUGE sunglasses? They make me feel like such a rock star...

...which reminds me. I love teaching my son new things...important things...valuable things. I now say to him..."who ya gonna party like??" and he says..."A WOK TAR"...yeah, that's what I'm talkin' a bout.

Did ya get nekkid?

Way Back Wednesday - History week

2006-05-24T01:13:00.000-05:00

After two weeks off and some serious withdrawals it's time again, for Way Back Wednesday, the game where The Kept Woman asks us to post embarrassing pictures of ourselves online for all the world to see. This weeks theme is:

It's history! Looking for shots of you at a historical site or monument...bonus points for anyone in a red, white and blue one-piece terry sunsuit with a bowl cut...

Okay. Here we go...

A historical site shot...taken in front of the Notre Dame Cathedral in Paris. Lots of history. I, of course, don't know any of it, because I hated history. But it is in a foreign country and all so...may I be exused? The style and fashion (though difficult to see, I'm sure) is certainly historic. We have some baggy/tapered pants...rolled up to just under the knee. Rolled up pants was in style once...I swear...everyone was doing it. I'm also wearing knee highs so the very bottom of my legs would look super tan (while my face and arms remained nice and pasty). Hmmm..what else? Pointy flat shoes and my siginature jean jacket. And the hair?? OMFG... Needless to say I'm thankful this shot wasn't a close up.

Look at what's happened to me...

2006-05-23T13:43:00.000-05:00

I can't believe it myself. Suddenly, I'm up on top of the world. I should have been somebody else. Believe it or not, I'm walking on air. I never thought I could feel so free..ee..ee. Flying away on a wing and a prayer, who could it be? Believe it or not, it's just me.

Would I be the biggest dork on the planet if I admitted to singing this...uh... Greatest American Hero theme song at the top of my lungs, each time I heard it on the radio? Then, so be it. I'm pretty sure I'd still watch the actual show too, if it was still on. Is it still on?? I just loved that curly haired blonde bastard.

Thanks to my new favorite radio station 93.7 MIC FM, I get to listen to this kind of shit all the time. Along with some Nirvana, Elton John, Eminem, and Early Madonna. See, when it comes to music I LOVE it all. (Or at least almost all. My only requirement is there must be lyrics. I'm so not into classical or any instrumental shit...sorry...stuff. ) This station plays it ALL. Thousands of songs. Completely random. So I can wash down a little Nickelback with some James Taylor and then top off some Don McLean with a little Guns-n-Roses. It's fucking beautiful.
It really is.

That is all. Back to my music...

oh Mickey you're so fine, you're so fine you blow my mind, Hey Mickey...Hey Mickey...

Is recess over??

2006-05-22T12:28:00.000-05:00

Damn...I didn't even hear the bell. I'm back. Sort of. I took an extra long break from blogger land to try to catch up on some real life. I did that, and now I'm back for the time being. I can't promise that I won't disappear again, however, because, well...I like livin' on the edge. Here's what's new in my world.

1. I'm still not making any money. Well, I'm making some but not much. Luckily Jack's Daddy just got a raise, which takes the pressure off.

2. I'm a non-smoking, haven't had a drink in forever, weight dropping rock star. I'm finding my "miracle pill" has turned me into a stress free (just about) super achiever. (No, I'm not trying to quit drinking...I just haven't felt that "oh my god...give me a fucking drink" urge)

3. It rained for days on end, which totally sucked, But, our grass is now full and green and the sun is shining...which totally doesn't suck.

4. My mother came to visit. She left. She's coming back again. This here, is where the "just about" part of stress-free comes in. I've yet to find any miracle pill that can help me deal with a visit from mother. Need I say more? Probably, but I don't feel like it.

5. Major life decision is on the table. To birth or not to birth... another child. Am I crazy?? Well...yes, actually I am, but that really is beside the point. For the past two years I've said no friggen' way. Now that Jack is almost two and I'm chemically balanced I'm thinking...eh..why not?? Feel free to offer advice. I usually don't listen to it, but this time I will.

6. I'm painting again. Or, I should say, I painted Saturday night. Huge accomplishment, considering I've been dry for months.

7. All and all things are going well. I'm happy, healthy, and horny. What more could a girl ask for?

How's that for excitement? What? You're not excited? You know your life it just as boring as mine. If it wasn't you wouldn't be here.

I'm going to do my best to participate in WBW and HNT this week. Promise.

A memory...

2006-05-05T13:41:00.000-05:00

I took this photo yesterday driving home from the park. It's Sampson's Pond. It reminded me of another pond from a lifetime ago. Back when I was someone quite different than the someone I am today.

We used to walk along the path,
down...by Jonesie's Pond

We learned to love and learned to laugh
down...by Jonesie's Pond

We fell in love and fell apart
down...by Jonesie's Pond

You gave me life, then broke my heart
down...by Jonesie's Pond

****************************************

Happy Friday ya'll.

Half-Nekkid Thursday - #19

2006-05-04T11:31:00.000-05:00

What is Half-Nekkid Thursday?? Click the link above and visit Osbasso to find out.

After a few too many days of clouds, rain and darkness, we've finally nabbed ourselves a beautiful day! It was an early morning, courtesy of Jack, so we headed out to the park after breakfast. It was a little wet, and we got a little dirty, but who cares. It's a beautiful day! This shot was taken on our way home...

#19 in my half-nekkid journey....beautiful day...

Let me know if you got nekkid so I can come and see!

Way Back Wednesday - Teeny Weeny Striped Bikini

2006-05-03T00:17:00.000-05:00

Time for Way Back Wednesday, the game where The Kept Woman asks us to post embarrassing pictures of ourselves online for all the world to see. This weeks theme is:

Itsy Bitsy Teeny Weeny Yellow Polka Dotted Bikinis of the past! In celebration of my upcoming trip to Mexico lets see all those hot bathing suits of the past! No fair putting up a current shot of you looking hot..or airbrushing...that is also strictly against the rules...

Okay, well, first of all...there is no chance of me putting up a current bikini shot and looking hot. Not happening. I'm pretty certain my bikini days are over. I'm Okay with that, really. Second, I don't really need to photoshop the old photos because the quality was so shitty you can't see all the flaws and blemishes, anyway.

And here we have it. Wasn't the teeniest and it wasn't polka dots but it will have to do. This was taken roughly 10 years ago on a trip to Vegas (before I had moved there). That's my sexy pool walk right there, along with my sexy squint. My half-hearted attempt of trying to keep the desert sun from scorching my cornias. My favortie part about this picture?? The stretch-mark free belly. Ahhh...those were the days.

Did you play?

Half-Nekkid Thursday - #18

2006-04-27T12:46:00.000-05:00

What is Half-Nekkid Thursday?? Click the link above and visit Osbasso to find out.

I still haven't gotten my online shit completely together yet. I'm trying. I really am. For now, though, my real life is kind of running the show. And speaking of running...today I present my peds and piggies. (chipped polish and all!)

#16 in my half-nekkid journey....Two Feet...

Did you get Nekkid?

Way Back Wednesday - good to see (you again)

2006-04-26T13:26:00.000-05:00

I'm am so late it is not even funny. Not that it would be funny if I was early...but whatever. I completely missed last week so late or not I'm playing today!

Time for Way Back Wednesday, where The Kept Woman asks us to post embarrassing pictures of ourselves online for all the world to see. This weeks theme is:

You again!?!? Surely you have a favorite sweater, accessory or something that showed up time and time again in your pictures. Calling all over-used accessories and clothing items!

Well I looked and looked and the only item that kept showing up were my all time favorite RED glasses. I LOVED these glasses and got so many compliments on them. I got them in 1992 and wore them for eight years. Yes, Eight years. I wasn't very diligent about getting those eye exams. A failed eye test, while trying to renew my drivers license was what finally sent me back for a new prescription. So here you go...

I wore them with permed hair...

...and with denim at Christmas...

...I wore them with tank tops and earrings and shy armpits...

...I even wore them nekkid with my hair in a ponytail.

(probably would have been cuter if that all rhymed, but, too bad, it doesn't)

did ya play?

Making progress...

2006-04-23T22:39:00.000-05:00

I'm still working on getting my shit together. Honestly, it may take a few more days, but I'm getting there. I had the worst ever week in sales. I literally made nothing on my dolls. Nothing! I made back what I put into them and that was it. This has never happened to me in the six years I've been selling them. I'm not sure what to think. Do they suck?? Is it just a bad time of year?? Is the market getting flooded?? Maybe all of the above. Rather than spending too much time on what I don't know, I'd rather focus on what I do know. And what I do know is, I need to make money. It's either that or attempt to cut our expenses back...way back. The problem is we're spoiled. We were DINKS for so long, that we got used to pretty much buying whatever we wanted when we wanted it. (for those of you who don't know, DINKS=double income, no kids). To go backwards is, well, hard. So, again, I need to make money. I won't be rushing out to find a real job right away, however. I'm going to hope last week was a freak occurrence and things will pick up and get back to normal. I'm going to hope...

Here's some humor mixed with truth, for all of us who are 30 something and over. Hope you get a kick out of it...

First, we survived being born to mothers who smoked and/or drank while they
carried us.

They took aspirin, ate blue cheese dressing, tuna from a can, and didn't get tested
for diabetes.

Then after that trauma, our baby cribs were covered with bright colored
lead-based paints.

We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, doors or cabinets and when we
rode our bikes, we had no helmets, not to mention, the risks we took
hitchhiking.

As children, we would ride in cars with no seat belts or air bags.

Riding in the back of a pick up on a warm day was always a special treat.

We drank water from the garden hose and NOT from a bottle.

We shared one soft drink with four friends, from one bottle and NO ONE
actually died from this.

We ate cupcakes, white bread and real butter and drank soda pop with sugar in it, but we weren't overweight because

WE WERE ALWAYS OUTSIDE PLAYING!

We would leave home in the morning and play all day, as long as we were back
when the streetlights came on.

No one was able to reach us all day. And we were O.K.

We would spend hours building our go-carts out of scraps and then ride down
the hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes. After running into the
bushes a few times, we learned to solve the problem.

We did not have Playstations, Nintendo's, X-boxes, no video games at all, no
99 channels on cable, no video tape movies, no surround sound, no cell
phones, no personal computers, no Internet or Internet chat
rooms..........WE HAD FRIENDS and we went outside and found them!

We fell out of trees, got cut, broke bones and teeth and there were no
lawsuits from these accidents.

We ate worms and mud pies made from dirt, and the worms did not live in us forever.

We were given BB guns for our 10th birthdays,

We made up games with sticks and tennis balls and although we were told it would happen, we did not put out very many eyes.

Little League had tryouts and not everyone made the team. Those who didn't
had to learn to deal with disappointment. Imagine that!!

The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke the law was unheard of. They
actually sided with the law!

This generation has produced some of the best risk-takers, problem solvers
and inventors ever!

The past 50 years have been an explosion of innovation and new ideas.

We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and we learned

HOW TO

DEAL WITH IT ALL!

You might want to share this with others who have had the luck to grow up as
kids, before the lawyers and the government regulated our lives for our own good.
and while you are at it, forward it to your kids so they will know how brave their parents were.

Kind of makes you want to run through the house with scissors, doesn't it?!

(Okay, so we did have Atari and a Beta VCR eventually, but not during the early years ;)

Half-Nekkid Thursday - #17

2006-04-20T11:47:00.000-05:00

Shit...it's Thursday! If you don't know what that means, click the link above and visit Osbasso to find out.

I haven't got my shit together this week. I didn't play WBW and almost completely forgot about HNT. Because I wasn't on the ball and didn't take any new shots, we'll have to settle for what was already sitting on my computer from a couple of weeks ago.

#16 in my half-nekkid journey....Long way down...

Let me know if you played!

(I'm hoping to get said shit together over the weekend so I'm back on track by next week)

What's new pussycat?

2006-04-18T12:59:00.000-05:00

Okay. Before I begin I'd just like to give a special "shout-out" to all the assholes in the world...FUCK YOU!

There. I feel better. Those of you who are not assholes (and I'm sure you know who you are) please feel free to ignore the above shout-out. If any of you are sitting there, right now, and wondering..."am I an asshole?"...then you probably are. It's just that you're too much of an asshole to even realize that you are an asshole. I'm not hatin'. Just giving credit were credit is due.

Moving on. You are now reading the blog of a 10lb lighter blogger. Did you get that? 10lbs down in only 2 weeks. Woo f-ing Hoo. I heart this diet. Mostly because it's not really a diet. I'm actually changing. For the better...which is no easy feat for me. I look better. I feel better (and I'm no longer starving, btw.) The South Beach Diet kicks fat's ass!

Next on the agenda...I've been busyMaking Babies.Check them out!

That's all for now. I don't want to waste too much of naptime blogging. I'd rather spend it vegging out in front of the TV. :)

Over and out.

Half-Nekkid Thursday - #16

2006-04-13T00:42:00.000-05:00

It's Thursday again. If you don't know what that means, click the link above and visit Osbasso to find out.

After last week, I was thinking I should just pack up my nekkidness and retire. How can I top my wet boobies? What?... With chocolate and whipped cream? Hmmm...not a bad idea. Maybe another time.

I decided to tone it down a bit this week and have some fun with my photoshop. So I present to you...

#16 in my half-nekkid journey....Burnt out...

(this is what happens when you spend too long in the sun)

Way Back Wednesday - Yo Mama

2006-04-12T07:16:00.000-05:00

Is it Wednesday already??? I've been a very bad blogger. I have no excuses other than plain old laziness. I had some time to myself...and I kept it. So there.

Okay then. Time to play that game where The Kept Woman asks us to post embarrassing pictures of ourselves online for all the world to see. This weeks theme is:

Pre-You (a/k/a Fetuses R Us)! This week I am celebrating the first anniversary of the arrival of my final offspring...looking for shots of your mom as she anxiously awaited your birth and sported the maternity fashions of the past...

This one is pretty early on so you can't even tell I'm in there. No maternity fashion here but I thought this picture was pretty cool because this is so something that I would wear just hanging around the house. Gray shorts and a man's t-shirt.

Some of you have seen this one before. Please just pretend like you haven't. Thanks. Some stylin' maternity wear of the early (very early) 70's. Green rocks. So do orange tree's in Florida.

Did ya play??

TGI F-ing F

2006-04-07T12:20:00.000-05:00

More random shit...

I'm Hungry. So very very hungry. BUT...it is now day five of the The South Beach Diet and I've lost 6lbs. Woo fucking Hoo! 6lbs. Water weight? Maybe, but who cares. I even feel better, well other than being hungry. I'm expecting that to pass. I can do this! By week three I will be able to add carbs, and honestly having a banana, or an apple, or a piece of bread is going to feel like a real treat. So far, I'd have to say this is working and I'm fairly certain I will be beach ready long before June.

My moving itch has passed. Only because it's gotten nicer out. Once fall hits it'll be back I'm sure. We'll worry about that in the fall. The Dominican Replublic seems nice...

Last night was my last art class for a while, so I'm thinking of taking a tai chi class during my break. I know nothing about tai chi...only that they teach a class about 2 minutes away on Wednesday nights and it fits perfectly into my schedule. Yeah. I think I'll do it.

For some reason I have the constant need to keep changing things. Everything. From what I do during my day (and it what order) to my stupid little profile pictures or myspace song. I can't keep anything the same for too long or I'm finding it bores the hell out of me. I'm tired of doing the same things I've always done. I want to mix it up, try new things, get excited, get scared and most of all LIVE. K. I'm gonna go do that now...

Half - Nekkid Thursday - #15

2006-04-06T08:20:00.000-05:00

It's Thursday again. If you don't know what that means, click the link above and visit Osbasso to find out.

Fuck shyness...because you only live once. (as far as I know anyway). If I do happen to live another life, this photo will come back to haunt me, I'm sure.

#15 in my half-nekkid journey....All Wet...

Way Back Wednesday - Sweater Ugly

2006-04-05T08:36:00.000-05:00

Does everybody know what time it is? (no, not tool time) It's time to play the game where The Kept Woman asks us to post embarrassing pictures of ourselves online for all the world to see. This weeks theme is:

Calling all ugly sweaters, I repeat calling all ugly sweaters of the past: As an "adios" of sorts to winter let's have an UGLIEST SWEATER OF THE PAST Contest! There may even be a prize involved (assuming I get to the store, buy it, get it packaged and sent to the post office... don't laugh, it COULD happen)!

I almost thought I was going to have to stretch the rules today, but after almost an hours search I found the ugly. Can you think of a better way to waste an hour?? Didn't think so.

So here we go. All the way back to my fifth grade school picture. Okay, technically it's not a sweater, but a vest. It was constructed with yarn, though, so I think it counts. ORANGE. You're jealous, aren't you? Thought so. As hideous as it was, I think I was able to pull it off. Not a completely bad color for me.

Next, we're back in Paris, 1987, I believe. My sophomore year in high school. That's me on the left and my friend (at the time) L. I'm wearing my super cool jean jacket so you can't see it in all it's glory, but you can see the man on the front. Yup. Navy and white stripes with a guy on the front. Who the hell is that... and why was he on my sweater?? Looks like some kind of sailor dude, I think. What's really sad is that I remember LOVING this sweater. It had big shoulder pads and was nice and cropped...perfect to show of my super high wasted jeans. Hot.

Did you play?

Sorry to keep you on hold..

2006-04-04T20:58:00.000-05:00

I'm back. I took some time off to attend to my real life, like that is any excuse. Jack's Daddy will be away on business in a few days and I will have ample time, then, to work and blog my little heart out. I haven't had time to make my rounds either but I will, I promise.

We've been having gorgeous weather. Spring is officially here and I'm a happy woman. We've been spending a lot of time doing things like...

picking up rocks...

scraping the bark off the trees...

and poking things with a stick...

Gotta love Spring...

Anyway...my back is once again in tip top shape. Well...as tip top as it gets. I'm back to working out, but taking it easy on the big scary machines. I had myself a spa day on Saturday. Oh yes I did! An hour and half facial followed by and hour therapeutic massage. I swear I could barely talk after they were done...but I felt good. So. Fucking. Good. If you've never done the two together, you must. Normally I'm not that much of girl...you know... to get a facial...but I had a gift certificate. Now that I've done it though, I may have to go back.

In other news, today is day two of The South Beach Diet. It's Hard. For me anyway. I don't have a ginormous amount of weight to lose... I'd like to drop about 10 lbs or so. My main goal is to get myself on the path of eating right. I still want to eat wrong, just not as often. You're supposed to lose your carb/sugar cravings at some point. I haven't reached that point yet. I still want cake. But... I'll keep eating turkey rolled up in lettuce and hope for the best.

And lastly, I heart Chris Daughtry. He sang to me tonight, you know. Looked right at me through my TV....

Half Nekkid Thursday - #14

2006-03-30T01:43:00.000-05:00

It's Thursday again. If you don't know what that means, click the link above and visit Osbasso to find out.

I shot some crazy ass pictures this week, but because I'm a big fricken' chicken your not going to see them here today. Ha! As liberating as this whole experience has been I'm still kinda shy. No, really, I am. Maybe I'll get over my shyness by next Thursday. We'll see. For now we have another two for one...because two pair beats a pair

#14 in my Half-Nekkid journey - Restless...

Way Back Wednesday - the 80's

2006-03-29T01:10:00.000-05:00

It's Hump Day! And time to play the game where The Kept Woman asks us to post embarrassing pictures of ourselves online for all the world to see. This weeks theme is:

TX Mom also came up with this theme...pull out the parachute pants, whip out the White Rain and show us how unkind the 80s were to you

Okay then. This is pretty embarrassing. I give you the feathered stiff hair of 1984. I think I did use White Rain from time to time but for the most part it was Aqua Net all they way. And only the feathered sides were sprayed...so when the wind blew...well you know what happened...wings. I didn't normally dress this way. My mom made me wear the Victorian looking white blouse for my pictures because she was really into Victorian looking white blouses.

This one is 87 or 88...can't remember. Now we have the permed do (all except the top... which was kinda feathered...but not really) I think I had the sides back in combs here. I was stylin' with my famous leather jacket, black turtle neck and white poofy skirt. Purdy!

And lastly, we have 1988. In this one you get the full blown out sides version. As if having a perm wasn't bad enough...we had to create even more fullness by blowing the hair out with a hairdryer and spraying it with aqua net at the same time. The bigger the better. The outfit was for work. I didn't normally go around wearing bow ties but I have to admit I really liked this one with my poofy sleeved white blouse. Those black pants were a size 1 by the way. A SIZE ONE, I say! Right now I'd settle for being a one digit size.

Did you play?

I love this kid...

2006-03-28T15:48:00.000-05:00

He is my world...
my life
my gift
my greatest accomplishment
my shadow
my funny man
my tormenter
my little helper
my big boy
my tantrum thrower
my tiny dancer
my cuddly monkey
my child
and
my teacher.