Mood Shift

No sooner had I entered the last post and my "downward spiral" started shifting directions. I'm less irritable and started to feel almost a wierd kind of "calm". Wierd, I guess, because I usually don't feel calm at all. I've made it to bed by midnight at the latest and have been sleeping later because DH is home this week. So is it because I'm getting more sleep that I feel the change or am I able to sleep because of the change??

I just got home from my Art Class about a 1/2 hour ago so I'm still feeling the after effects of that. It is EXTREMELY calming. I don't know if you've ever gotten a massage...a really good massage...but anyway it's like that. When I leave I feel like I've just been pampered and taken care of and nursed back to health. I guess in a way I have.

I'm working on a self portrait, which is difficult for me for a couple of reasons. One, I hate looking at myself in the mirror. I haven't always but I do now for some reason. And, two, I have a very distorted view of myself. I can't see what others see. This may be very common, I don't know. I've been watching the Biggest Loser lately. Yeah, I know. Well I am a reality TV junkie. I'll watch anything that even resembles reality TV. So anyway...I'm looking at these women...I see there bodies...the shape...the rolls and so forth and I think "wow, that's what I look like". Now, keep in mind these women are over 200lbs. I weigh about 135. I KNOW this in my head, but at the same time when I see them, I still think that's what I look like. I've never been one of those women who always see's herself as "fat". In fact for most of my life I was skinny, very skinny, naturally skinny. People would say "you need to gain some weight". (I admit that often made me feel like I was too skinny...maybe I was) Over the years I put on some pounds and appeared more normal to everyone else. Then I got pregnant...ate everything in sight...and now 16 months after the birth of my son I'm 135 lbs and feel fat. I was 128 before I got pregnant. Whatever. Okay... Didn't really mean to off on THAT tangent. So, yeah, I'm doing a self portrait I'll post some pictures as it starts to come along.