The List Maker

My name is Hope...and I'm a complusive list maker. There. I said it. I feel better already. I started making lists in High School, I think, because I just had too much going on in my head and in an attempt to organize it I would write it all down. Since then it has snowballed. Okay, so it's not the end of the world that I make lists but it can annoying as hell, at least the way I do it. For the most part I make to do lists so long that even superman couldn't get it all done in a day. But I, of course, expect that I can, I should, I have to or...or what? The world will end? Well, yeah, I guess. I don't know why I do this to myself. Maybe to set my self for failure? Because if I don't finish, and I rarely do I will feel as though I have failed in some way. Now there are days when I haven't made lists. Weeks have gone by even without writing one single to do. During those times I usually get very little done and almost feel like my head is floating. I become dazed and confused. Seriously. If I don't write it down I'm lost, I have no direction, no purpose, no nothing. I'm not in control. I will also add to my list as the day goes on, when new to do's pop into my head. And then if I do something that is not on the list, I will feel compelled to add it to my list...and then cross it off. Ahhh..there..that's done. What do I put on these lists? It can be anything from make an appt... to clean the microwave... to take a shower... to eat. Yes, eat! If I don't write it down I will, often times, forget to eat. Speaking of eating, when I was a child I wouldn't allow my food to touch. Like the peas couldn't touch the potatoes and so on..and I would eat one thing at a time. If this little food ritual what disturbed in some way I would feel very similiar to way I feel when I don't make my lists. Hmmmmm...I see. So what does all this mean? Hell if I know. Just one more sad, quirky, and somewhat demented fact of my life. I think I need to go make a list...