Just send cash

Just wanted to let you all know my Birthday is coming up. Yup. January 30th. Uh-huh. Really, there is no need for anyone to send me presents. Don't go worrying yourself over what to get me or what size I am (cuz I won't tell you), or whether I like gold or platinum (platinum).

Cash is perfectly acceptable and the shipping is much cheaper. You can never go wrong with sending cash. Or cake! I LOVE cake. It's a little messy to ship, yes, but I am not above licking the frosting off the inside of the box. (Would this be considered soliciting?)

Anyway, on a more serious note, I will be the big 34 this year. And you all know what that means don't you??

Abso-fuckin'-lutely Nothin'

Happy Birthday to me.
Happy Birthday to me.
At.least.I'm.not.forty.
Happy Birthday to me.