Hello? 911 emergency, how can I help you?

"uhhh...yeah, hi. I just got stabbed. I think I might need some help."

Clue #1 - The Weapon



Clue #2 - The Crime Scene



Clue #3 - The Victim



Rewind to last week. What happened last week you say? Last week I bought myself some new kick ass Cuisinart knives that I had been needing for, oh, about 7 years. Just one of those things I never thought of getting while I was out. But last week I saw them and knew I had to have them. I took them out of the box and washed them immediately when I got home, then grabbed a juicy tomato to try them out....smmmmoooooth...like butter. I tell you, NOTHING cuts better than these knives.

Fast forward to this evening approximately 5pm. There I am. Standing at the island, pork loin almost ready to go in the oven, just waiting for some fresh apples. I start to cut the apples. Slice, slice, slice, slice, slice....done. Next apple...reach...bump...oops...the knife! Falling, falling, falling...and it lands. Right. In. My. Fucking. Foot. Then bounces back out. BLOOD. EVERYWHERE. It is literally squirting out of the top of my foot.

My first thought? Oh, SHIT! Second thought. Why can't I stop this bleeding? My third thought. Oh this is fucking great. Here I am worried I'll die a plane crash or of cancer, and this is how I'm gonna fucking go! By stabbing myself in the fucking foot!My fourth thought. OOOH, something to blog about.

What do I do? Call Jack's Daddy? No, he's an hour away, what the hell can he do? Okay. Get my neighbors to help me. Ummmm. Well I can't take my hand off my foot, because it's the only thing stopping my blood from squirting across the room. And because I can't take my hand off my foot... I can't walk...and it's too far to scoot on my bum. Hmmm...okay. This is a lot of blood. I think I may need to go to the Emergency Room. How do I get Jack in the car? How do I drive? That damn hand holding my foot thing again. Okay, I know! and I grab my cell and call 911.

Yup. Sure did. My first time ever. I'm no longer a virgin. My 911 cherry was popped tonight ladies and gentlemen and all in all it was a rather pleasant experience. Well, all except for the blood and the pain. Everyone was very nice and seemed to be laughing with me, rather than at me. At the ER the doctor called my unlucky rather than a stupid fuck. I appreciated that. I really did. Once all was said and done, they cleaned my wound, closed my wound, bandaged my wound, gave me a shot and sent me on my merry way. The end.

In hindsight, the 911 call may have been a little overkill, but hey, it's not everyday I see blood squirting out of my foot. Plus I had an almost two year old to consider, should I, I don't know, pass out or something. (Who, btw, did not see any of squirting business as I was on the other side of the island, and who had a really fun time chatting with the EMT's and Police Officer who came to the house. (All of whom were very hot, I might add) Can I do quotes inside quotes??)

Anyway, lots of fun and excitement as usual. I've said it before. I like to live on the edge.

Holiday pictures coming soon...