Friday's Update...

It's been a long week of neglecting my blog once again. First up...yes, Destiny was found. Dead. In her neighbors basement. You can read the story here.May that fucker burn in hell.

My heart goes out to her family. I can't even imagine how someone goes about dealing with type of loss. I can't even imagine. So what can we learn from this? That you can't trust anyone? Maybe. That your neighbors could very well be sick and twisted fucks. Perhaps.

I know for a fact that my son will not be playing outside alone at age five. Maybe not even at age twelve for that matter. I don't care what anyone thinks about my parenting. The next time I hear someone tell me I'm being overprotective, instead of becoming defensive and pissed, I will simply smile and say "thank you". My job, above all else, is to protect my child to the best of my ability, because shit like this DOES happen. Every. Day. It's my job to drill it into him that he never, NEVER is allowed to go into someone's house, or car without my permission. That although the world is filled with wonderful, loving and amazing people, there are also some people that are none of those things. Hopefully he will hear me. Hopefully he will believe me.

Next up...it's been a tough week. Every day I have considered giving up on having another baby...just so I can go back on my little pink pills. I think I actually feel worse now that I had a taste of what feeling "good" was like. I'm starting to believe that the "anxiety" wasn't the only problem to start with. That maybe it was more than that, and the anxiety was just a symptom. I don't know. I'm no shrink, although with the amount of self-help books I've read I probably could be. When I first went off I thought maybe I could "remember", so to speak, how to feel that way again. How to think differently. How to cope. That maybe... just maybe, it could be partly behavioral and that if the medication helped me to change my behavior or thought process that I would "remember" how to do it myself when I went off. Yeah. And no. It wasn't. And I can't. And here is where I start to feel helpless.

For now, I'm going to stay the course.