Nothing of any importance

Just a warning. This is going to be completely random. My brain doesn't have any desire to keep organized thoughts today so dive in at your own risk.

How come I can put the same exact amount of water in my oatmeal one day and it turns out thick...and then another day it turns out watery? The SAME amount of water. How is that possible?

I know I've been slacking as of late. Is this anything new? No. Of course not. I tell myself I have nothing to say, but that's not completely true. I will, at times, throughout the week find myself thinking..."I should write a blog about this or that or the other thing"...usually times when I'm NOT sitting at my computer. Then two days later when I actually have the time to write about this, that or the other thing, I realize it was a really stupid idea to begin with. Not that most of my rantings aren't stupid anyway, but at least I don't think so when I'm in full blown blog mode.

Anyway. It's raining out. On one hand that's a good thing. I've had sinus headaches for the last three days because it's been sooo dry. Rain=humidity so I've gotten some relief. On the other hand my brain requires sun to function on a normal level. Without the sun I just kind of walk around in circles like a dog looking for a good place to shit. Yeah.

I had a panic attack yesterday, in the shower of all places. I usually don't talk about them because most people don't get it. They don't know what they are. They don't understand. They look at me like I'm a fucking lunatic. And in the end I end up feeling worse than I did before I said anything. I don't really care right now though. Anxiety is something I live with daily, but I haven't had a full blown panic attack in a LONG time. (and yes, I do realize that was the second time I used "full blown" in the same blog. I may even use it again, so prepare yourself) The main theme behind all of my panic attacks is, well, fear, of course. FEAR. Irrational fear that somehow manifests itself into physical symptoms. I can't breath. I start to go numb, my heart beats out of my chest, my hands shake, my legs get weak, and I either sweat or turn a nice pastey shade of dead. It didn't last long. As quickly as it came...so it went. Why, though? Don't know. No fucking idea. Up until that point I was having a pretty good morning. It came from nowhere. And although I'm now able to recognize it for what it is, midstream, there is still a small part of me that doesn't fully realize what has happened until it's over. When my husaband came home from work, I did what any rational self medicating person would do. I went out bought myself a large bottle of Piccala, a pack of smokes and a trashy celebrity gossip magazine. Hey. I KNOW how to take care of myself.

On a happy note, lets talk about money. I'm making some. Finally. I'm 99% sure it has everything to do with my kick ass Nikon showing it like it is. MY dolls have been averaging $350, with my last one selling for $847. Yeah. You heard me. Why on earth anyone would pay that much for a doll is beyond me. Way beyond me, but I'm not complaining. I am, however, worried. Worried that once they receive it, they'll realize it doesn't actually shit, piss or breath...and be disapointed. Ah well. We'll see. I certainly didn't twist anyones arm to cough up that much dough for a few pieces of painted vinyl. It's not making me rich, but it's certainly a profitable part time job now.

My son took his first shit in the potty the other day. It was a very big deal and a complete accident. It was half out when I put him on the seat and it just kind of plopped out. How's that for painting a pretty picture? Told you. Random. Next I may talk about hemorrhoids. Then again...

I guess that's all I have. And I'm off...probably to go walk around in circles again.

Have a great weekend!